


Playing With the Boys

by Chocolatecandy56



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Artemi Panarin - Freeform, Columbus Blue Jackets, F/M, Girl in NHL, Pretend to be a boy, secret
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-06 08:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,833
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14638077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolatecandy56/pseuds/Chocolatecandy56
Summary: Hayden has had a rough life, little to no family besides her brother who's been living in Cleveland and playing hockey for the past two years, she decides to move in with him, in hopes to figure out what she wants to do with her life. This is a problem because all she really wants is to play hockey again. After winning the past two Minnesota State championships with the Blaine's boys hockey team, she feels she still needs to play with boys again. In order to accomplish this, she disguises herself as a guy, this leads to being a prospect for the Columbus Blue Jackets. Her brother doesn't want to play with the pros, but it's always been a hidden desire of Hayden's. Join Hayden and her quest to play in the NHL all while keeping secrets from everyone she loves.





	1. Chapter 1

Hayden's POV

"Are you really sure you want to do this?" My best friend Emily asks while we walk into a hair salon.

"You know my reasons, there's no turning back now, I've already made plans to move out east to move in with my brother in Cleveland. There'll be plenty of chances for me to play men's hockey, even if it's one of those recreational ones." I reply.

"And you're sure Cameron will be okay with this? What are you even going to do when you get there?" Emily questions.

"I've signed up for some online classes until I can get things settled, it's just, you know how college would've been for me." I answered.

Even though I did play for the boys' hockey team in Blaine Minnesota, it's just, I know I would be forced to play girls hockey after the college visit I went to for St. Cloud, I even played with their team because the girls' team was already done with their practice and I was keeping with them if not ahead of them.

After we got my hair cut like a guy, me and Emily went to go shopping for more guy clothes and any other supplies needed to be able to look the part of being a guy. Before I make my way towards home to pack up everything in my car, we said our goodbyes and good lucks to each other. Emily is planning on going to University of St. Louis but she's going to leave for Pittsburgh to visit the rest of her family that couldn't come for her graduation. 

My brother Cameron, currently plays for Cleveland Monsters and had been drafted by the Columbus Blue Jackets in last years' draft. He and I both have our exceptions very low for my plan, but I knew I had to at least get into some type of men's hockey in my life and I would risk anything to do just that. Our father didn't exactly approve of our idea, they just think that I'm taking a gap year to save up some money while living with Cameron and getting to live somewhere outside of Blaine. 

Before I enter the house, I have to put on the very realistic wig to prevent any suspicions arising from my dad. All I have to do is be careful when moving my head, I also made sure to put the wig on securely to make it look like it's my real hair. The color just looks like I had my hair re-highlighted it so there's little to no color difference on it. 

Looking around the house, I notice that my father wasn't even at home anyway. I make a sigh of relief because it'll make leaving less difficult. Ever since my mother passed away when I was eight years old, our relationship has become strained. My father never was there for me and Cameron when we needed him the most, which included the draft and that made things worse for him and Cameron. I figure that I have grown up around guys my entire life it won't be as difficult trying to fit in as a guy. The closest female figure I've had is Emily, but all of that changes when I move in with my brother, which I've made the decision and there's no going back now. I've already invested and risked everything for what could turn out to be nothing, but all I know is that I have to at least try. 

It's a 12 hour drive to Cleveland from Blaine, so it'd be 10:30 pm at the earliest when I get there. To make sure my brother is ready for me, I sent out a text right before I started the drive and every time I made a stop, giving him updates on where I was at. I didn't want to surprise him on when I arrive. Apparently he has a girlfriend now and I didn't want to step in on anything. Driving that long by myself in the car has given me lots of time to think to myself about everything. Cameron is going to be introducing me as his brother to everyone we meet in Cleveland. But before I can actually go out and be a guy in society's eyes, I'm going have to learn how to talk with my voice low all the time, which I'm pretty lucky my voice is low for a girl anyway. 

After a long drive, I finally made my arrival to Cameron's apartment. As I was about to knock, I heard some voices inside, and I recognized Cameron's and it had a hurried tone to it, the other voice sounded male. Deciding this is ridiculous, I knocked on the door, but there was no response in over a couple of minutes, so I barged my way in instead.

"Can't we do this some other time?" Cameron pleads,

"No-is this your brother?" the guy that was next to Cameron asks.

Cameron and the other guy both turn to look at me. I give myself a relieved breath of air that I'm already wearing guy clothes and that the sweatshirt I was wearing concealed enough of my already small boobs to not instantly notice anything this late. It's even more of a relief that I decided not to wear any makeup for the day also.

"Ye-" Cameron coughs indicating for me to have a lower voice.

"Yes, this is Hayden. Hayden, this is Caleb one of my teammates." Cameron introduces us.

I make sure I gave Caleb a solid handshake before trying to make my way into the apartment. I silently hope to myself that Cameron didn't say anything about having a sister to his teammates, because if not, then all of this effort so far is all for nothing then. 

"So, you're the brother that Cameron here mentions that helped win Minnesota's state tournament? He never did that when he was in high school eh? Caleb asks incredulously. 

To prevent any mess ups on the first hour of pretending, I made brief eye contact with Cameron that means that everything is covered up. I mean even some of the scouts thought I was a guy in the tournament and all year long last year.

"Er, yea that was me." I answered.

"Cameron never mentioned that you were coming, what're you doing here? Is it to join the team?"

Cameron gives a glare to both of us, but neither of us have come up with a real answer to give to anyone yet, especially our father, much less his teammates who could catch onto something if they ever look up Blaine. I know for sure I don't have enough skill to even get into juniors, much less professionals. Sure, I won the state championship for Minnesota and Cameron didn't, but that doesn't mean anything. I'm pretty sure there's no chance for me getting anywhere in hockey so me and Cameron don't have a plan if it escalates to that which won't happen so we don't have to worry.

"Uh, I'm just here to live with him, maybe play it for fun if I have time. I'm taking some classes online." I replied nervously, anxiously trying to get my voice low enough.

"You never even got an offer anywhere? I mean Cameron got drafted right away, you'd think you'd' get some attention especially with that state championship in Minnesota, the state of hockey. Maybe you could come and try practi-"

"That's not going to happen, and Hayden literally drove 12 hours all the way from the sate of hockey and I have to help her-eh him settle in still" Hayden interrupts.

"Fine, I'll get on my way, but I'm serious on that offer though Hayden" Caleb says as he walks out of the apartment.

"So, how was that for an interesting start huh?" I asked Cameron.

Cameron frowns, "Not cool, don't even get ideas from Caleb. I mean it, I'm already letting you get away too much for little to no effort out of this. We're going to be in so much trouble, more me than you because now I'm responsible for you coming down here. So, I'll show you to your room now, tomorrow you can get settled in more and we can work on your voice after my 

 

Cameron's POV

After an exhausting practice, I walk into the locker room to be shocked by Coach's reaction to something. I look over to what he was doing and my eyes bulge open. There he was, watching something from Caleb's phone.

I immediately make my way over to where Caleb and Coach where to hear something I did not want to hear.

"He's pretty good, where did you find this player?" Coach asks.

"Apparently he's Caleb's younger brother Hayden, who helped Blaine's high school hockey team win the state championship in Minnesota." Caleb replies.

"My only question is why hasn't Hayden been recruited or drafted yet? You'd think he'd get some sort of attention because of Cameron."

"I don't know, the only reason why I even bothered to show you Hayden is because I met the guy last night. Apparently he's moving in with Cameron. The reason to that is unknown too. But all I know is that we need someone like Hayden on the team." Caleb answers.

"Well I'll see what I can do, but Cameron, come here" Coach says.

I approach to face coach, "Yes?"

"You have to bring in your brother in tomorrow for practice, alright? This is a request so it's not optional. You better bring him or else" Coach demands.

I nod yes to show I understand. 

Once Coach leaves, I make my way to where Caleb is immediately yelling, "What the hell did you do?"

"What do you mean? I just did your brother and the team a favor. It's clear he came here to play hockey, even if I've been around Hayden for only a couple of minutes." Cameron defends.

I attempt to explain, "You just can't intervene on family stuff, especially mine." 

"Well you know what? Hayden should still get some sort of choice, I'm guessing he never even got an offer after high school. How could someone that skilled not even get into any sort of professional league? This is larger than your personal problems, the entire team's at stake here, it should be your priority and you should be willing to risk whatever it is." Caleb says upsettingly.

"It's not like I even ask for any of it, but sh- he needed to do something instead of being stuck with our-" I stop, realizing I've kept a lot from Caleb, who's been my best friend for the past year.

Caleb looks really hurt from what I just said, I just made it pretty clear that I've been hiding a lot from him. Not only that, but I almost made a slip up on Hayden's cover. I think there's a larger thing for Caleb t focus on.

"Well don't bother me until you can get your shit together." Caleb angrily says and starts to walk off until Coach reentered the locker room. 

"I've got great news regarding Hayden. I just got off the phone with some of the management in Columbus and some of them would love to see Hayden try out in practice with the team tomorrow. Even Tortorella is planning on coming. Isn't this exciting? They even said just based off of the fact that Hayden hasn't been recruited anywhere, he has a shot at making the Jackets for this season's rosters." Coach exclaims. 

"Are you really sure this is a good idea? I mean I think Hayden has some reasons not to-"

"That's a bunch of bullshit from when I saw him last night Cameron. It seems pretty clear he'd be interested." Caleb interrupts. "I'll even come over and make sure Hayden himself knows the news so he can be ready for tomorrow," He continues. 

"Well, I better see both of you and Hayden at tomorrow's practice, it's going to be a big one." Coach says as he exits the locker room.

Caleb is still fuming at me from earlier and he has every right to be. I think I'm not going to be prepared for what could happen in the near future.

 

Coach sees some of Hayden's play Cameron walks in on Caleb excited tells that Hayden's living with Cameron showing coach freaks but gets ordered to bring Hayden anyway-not his thing


	2. Chapter 2

Hayden's POV

I wake up from the sound of a door opening and angry sounding voices coming in. It sounds like Caleb so I quickly grab a sweatshirt and some sweatpants before walking out of my room to meet them.

"At least hear what he has to say about it that's my only request." Caleb says.

"I really don't think it's a good idea though," my brother replies.

"Come on, it's a huge deal to our team and the Blue- oh hi Hayden" Caleb greets with a smile.

 

"Hey, so how was practice?" I ask, silently grateful that my voice is naturally low when I've been recently waken up. 

"You're not going to believe this, but-"

"Can I tell her-uh him in private?" Cameron asks.

"No, because this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for me being curious last night and finding out some things," Caleb refuses.

I instantly freeze when Caleb says that, how much does he know. It does seem he still genuinely thinks that I'm a guy so he shouldn't know the truth already. But if Caleb looks stuff up just from a small meeting with me, imagine what else could get out when I become more active in the surrounding community. 

"Hayden, you're going to practice with us tomorrow and some management including the head coach of the Columbus Blue Jackets are coming to watch you perform with the team. You even have a shot at making the Jackets' roster this year!" Caleb exclaims.

"He hasn't even played since the championship game, it's not like he's in any condition to keep up with our faster skaters though, much less NHL players" Cameron points out.

"True, but I still keep myself in shape since then Cameron," I reply.

Immediately after that, I bolt for the bathroom.

Cameron's POV

Hayden immediately took to the bathroom after what I said and Caleb gives me a look of confusion,

I shrug, "Hayden never considered that going professional was an option for him until now I guess." 

"Why would a guy like him ever think that? He could've had a chance in being in the top half of the first round" Caleb questions.

Trying to come off as little as obvious, "I don't know, a lot could change in a year for someone, especially without anyone to really take care of them"

"But why would Hayden get this freaked out about this though? It seems like he can perform well under pressure."

"It's seriously not my business to tell you or anyone okay? I'll take care of it otherwise coach'll have my ass if I don't. No matter how much I'm against this. I don't doubt that Hayden wouldn't be ale to handle it, I know he can do it, it's just i'm a little overprotective of him because of lots of other things I'd rather not say," I explain to Caleb.

"Are you sure it isn't the fact that you're jealous of him or scared that he's going to replace your spot?" 

"A little bit, but not enough to let it get to me. I'm just too close with him to let stuff like this to ruin our relationship. She's like the closest person to me." I reply.

"She, don't you mean her? Or is-

Panicking I interrupt immediately, "Oh no I meant that Hayden helped me through a rough breakup of a past girlfriend and just thinking about being close to Hayden made me think of her. even though I shouldn't because of my new girlfriend, but it's the first one I've had since that last breakup."

I silently make a sigh of relief because it's all true, except for the real gender of Hayden, but that as to be kept a secret if she ends up playing hockey professionally. In can't begin to imagine how much she has to give up in order for that to happen. She's already halfway there, but there's so much more that she hasn't even thought of yet.

"Oh makes sense, this sounds like a good time for me to leave, I'll let you guys figure it out, but Hayden's going to be there no matter what, okay?"

I nod in response and turn to make my way towards the bathroom Hayden had lock herself in.

Hayden

As soon as I had gotten into the bathroom, I immediately splashed water on my face. I couldn't believe it; I have what it takes to play hockey professionally! When I look up at my face in the mirror, I can barely recognize myself anymore, I'm going to get used to it eventually. Without my long dirty blonde hair, I look more like my father a little bit more. I got my mother's crystal blue eyes along with my brother, they're the only feature that we share. Other than our eyes, we don't look a lot alike, until I got my hair cut short. Cameron took a lot after our father while I took after our mother. Maybe that's why father always seemed a little more harsh on me compared to Cameron. 

Considering the fact that I might be playing professional hockey, I reexamined my height, it's taller than the average woman, but short for a professional hockey player. I'm not the shortest but far from the average height. I guess my height's around 5'10 and I have the average frame. I do take advantage of that though, I make sure I'm able to skate faster to make up the lost size advantage because I can control that, not my size. Being able to skate faster has allowed me to give me an edge in any aspects of playing hockey.

At least I din't have a panic attack this time, I thought for sure I'd get one based on how sudden this is. I don't even have a plan if this happens and look where I'm at now, most likely going into professional hockey as a guy when in reality I'm a woman and have to hide it. The other players wouldn't get suspicious if I don't grow facial hair? Or what about my period weeks, it's not like I can get on birth control and make a schedule on it which would be necessary if I were to get into hockey professionally. It's not like I even know I'm going to make it in anyway, on either the Blue Jackets or Monsters. 

My next concern is my brother's reactions to this. I know for a fact he doesn't like this one bit, but Caleb sounded insistent that Coach ordered Cameron to bring me tomorrow. I'd have to go, it's not like I have a choice, representatives from an NHL team are making a special trip to Cleveland just to see me. All I hope is that they wouldn't get suspicious by the fact I never got drafted or recruited, because if I was a real guy, I would for sure be drafted then. 

Suddenly, I hear a knock on the bathroom door.

"Hayden? You okay?" Cameron asks.

"Yeah, I guess. You can come in, but the real question is if you're okay,"I reply.

Cameron enters, "I'm pretty upset, but you have to at least try, well forced to anyway. And it might not even work out. It's not like we have to make a decision right now or anything."

"We? It should be my decision. We both know what you want me to do but that's not going to happen. If i make it I'm going to take this chance because I feel like this is what I'm supposed t do. This is the first time in a long time where I haven't felt lost and useless. I can make a difference where it matters to me. I will take this opportunity that I have been given, I'm not going to waste it because my brother told me to. I'm willing to take every risk and sacrifice I'm going to have to make because hockey has been my entire lifeline ever since mom passed away. And I'm sure mom would agree with me if she was still with us. It was because of her that I worked so hard to get to this skill. There's been no other woman before me that has gotten this chance so I will take it, even at the cost of my brother. Cameron,you have to understand I'm my own person and I can make my own decisions now."

"You know what Hayden? Do you realize how much trouble you could get in by lying about your gender to everyone? Being a woman is a liability and anyone who wants you on their team deserve the right to know that small little fact. Not to mention it's dangerous for even guys to be in hockey professionally, much less women. Have you even thought about the damage it could do that once it gets out that you're a women, it could fuck up the entire team dynamic? No you only care about yourself in this. Have you even consider my feelings? I don't want to watch you get hurt because i care so much about you I wouldn't be able to live with myself if anything happens to you. On another note, you wouldn't be able to date anyone, and would have to pretend that you're into girls" Cameron yells.

"If you really care about me, then let me make my own decisions" I respond.

"Who was the person who got you off the hook with dad? Me. I was always there for you Hayden, hell I even let you move to Cleveland with me just so you could play some sort of men's hockey that wouldn't get you into it professionally just so you could figure out what to do with your life, not get involved in my lifestyle that I'm doing" Cameron pleads.

By this time, tears were streaming down my cheeks like waterfalls and I couldn't stop them, and they kept dripping down from my eyes. 

"Fine then, go and get yourself killed for all I care, you're right, I clearly don't care enough to risk my relationship with you to ensure your safety. You don't even know how much this is killing me to feel this way about you playing professionally. I want you to be successful, I've seen that ever since you started hockey. I've been secretly hoping for it. I think the reason I've been harsh on you is the fact that everyone thinks you're a guy and you're going along with it. No wonder why dad always sees mother in you, you're too stubborn for you're own good" Cameron finishes and storms off into his room.

I've never seen Cameron like that ever since mom died. Even back then we both knew what was going on. That was the last time I've ever seen him that emotional until now. I didn't know Cameron felt that way about me and now I'm starting to regret this, I thought I'd jump on this chance as soon as I heard I have a chance, but now I'm not so sure that this is a very good idea. Hopefully we'll be able to cool some things down before tomorrow's practice.

I was wrong, Cameron never came out of his room for the rest of the day, except for water and food and even then, he took them with him in his room and never bothered to take care of the dishes either. 

After wasting a while day moping around, I reluctantly pass by Cameron's room to get ready for bed. My stomach is already churning in anticipation for tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

Hayden's POV

This is it, even though I've never wanted or expected this until now, I'm going to give it my all, there's nothing more I could ever want than to be able to play hockey professionally. I can handle the suddenness of everything, that's what hockey is all about. 

I mentally and physically did all of my pre game rituals as much as I could on game day. Even though I've only played high school hockey, I still have developed pre-game rituals. Doing them this morning helps with my state of mind for the rest of the day. Since I'm going to be staging as a guy, I'm going to have to add in some new rituals just to keep my cover, which includes changing into my compression shirt and already have the shorts underneath on. It'll be fine for today, but if I continue on and play for Cleveland or the Blue Jackets, I'll have to be prepared for some questions asked. I'd also have to figure out the shower thing too. I already made a list of daily don't do things that would raise questions if I end up playing. It all depends on how well I focus and play today. All that I really hope is that I don't end up playing with my brother, he's still purposely avoiding me in the apartment. Which is fine, we're already going to be forced in Caleb's car.

Caleb's only picking me and Cameron up because he "wanted to make sure Hayden comes to practice". At least that way neither me nor Cameron have to drive the other while the tension is still high between us. We'll be forced to act civil towards each other sooner rather than later. 

Cameron and I both manage to walk to Caleb's black Jeep Wrangler without a problem, but we still haven't said a word to each other since yesterday's argument. I could tell Caleb instantly figure out that Cameron and I have had a huge fight and so he only says,

"Well, I'm glad Hayden's coming, it's exciting to be able to see how well he plays in time eh, Cameron?"

Cameron only looked away from Caleb with no acknowledgement of my existence in the back seat. I make a loud sigh to give a signal to Caleb that it's no use to get Cameron to talk. He's just as stubborn as I am. That's why when we do get in fights, it gets all of our friends involved because otherwise we'd never give up on our point of view. That is also another reason why I'm getting concerned about this time around, there's no one to help cool things down between us, we're going to have to work it out on our own.

After a long and awkward silent car ride, we finally made it to Quicken Loans Arena. I take a deep breath as Caleb parks in the player lot.

Once we parked, Caleb turned his head towards me saying,

"Hey, you'll do great, I know you will. And even though some management and a player from the Blue Jackets are here, everyone has kept this under wraps, literally, no one who isn't involved,which includes the entire team,knows about this." 

Cameron just rolls his eyes in response while I make a small smile in return.

We enter the locker room and Caleb beckons me to join the stall right next to his, which was my brothers but he just shrugs and says,

"Don't worry about it, Cameron can find somewhere else, I wonder what woke him up on the wrong side of the bed this morning." 

Cameron intervenes, "Not only do you have to take my roster spot, but can also take my best friend? Whatever i'm done with this shit," and turns to go to the opposite side of the locker room.

I look down at me feet feeling guilty, I had no idea that he's been feeling that way with my arrival. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea so I start to ask Caleb,

"Is this even a good idea anymore?"

Caleb's response ends up turning into a full on laugh,

"Are you kidding me now Johnson? You and Cameron are so similar you don't even know. He asked the same thing right before our first practice together. That's too hilarious, but on a more serious note, just trust me and Coach, you have what it takes to make it. Not going through would be the only bad idea, I think everyone is counting on you to be NHL level. And if you're only asking this because of Cameron, then don't worry, we had a conversation yesterday before I left and it may seem he's upset and he has every right to be, but he genuinely wants the best for you."

Just then another player interrupts,

"Hey Caleb, are you already spilling some of Cameron's secrets already to the newbie? there's better news than that. You're not going to believe this, but a player from the blue Jackets even came up to watch Hayden play."

"No way who is it?" Caleb asks.

"Nick Foligno, the caption, not just any player, but THE captain."

Great, just what I need, even more pressure to play extraordinary, and I haven't even hit the ice in months. My breathing starts to get quicker and my legs start to shake.

"Hey Hayden, you okay?"

Out of the blue, Cameron approaches quickly and immediately hands me my inhaler, which I don't need, I'm in complete control.

"Just take it, you clearly need it," Cameron urges, "you're not going anywhere until you stop hyperventilating". 

"Dude, does she have asthma?" Caleb asks.

"No, but-

"Let me tell him,"I interrupt in between breathes, "Later though, nothing to worry about."

Long story short, I developed anxiety and stress problems along with fits of depression and it turned out to effect my breathing if I ever start having a panic attack right before a practice or game. I only have the inhaler just in case if I'm about to pass out or anything, because of the one time I passed out during a hockey game. In other words, it's not good when I have a panic attack right before I play hockey. At lest though, my brother respects my privacy enough to let me choose to explain it to Caleb instead of telling him right away.

Cameron gives me a hard stare and I give in to him, he really does know how to take care of me. Grudgingly, I take the inhaler from him and only get in one inhalation before it was time to warm up for the practice that'll determine my future.

As soon as I hit the ice, I instantly felt so much better ever since I graduated. It's like I never even left and I was able to keep up with the guys when I wasn't skating in circles around most of them. 

After warm-ups and stretches, we start some skills and drills. As time waned in practice, my progression of play increased, it felt like I was better than most of the guys on the ice. I could deke most of them out and score goal after goal on both goalies. I could feel the others getting frustrated with me, especially my brother.I never realized I was this good of a player. 

Once practice ends, I was called over to see Coach, Tortorella, other management, and Nick Foligno, all had looks of awe on them.

Hanging my mouth guard on the edge of my mouth I say,

"So how bad did I do?" 

All of them instantly started to laugh.

Tortorella's the one who cuts off the laughter by saying,

"Not too shabby considering we're inviting you to come down to Columbus to play for training camp which'll lead to a contract."

I can't believe it, I'm going to play in the NHL, even before my brother who's been actually drafted.

"So as soon as you're ready, we can all head back to Columbus and get you checked in a hotel for the time being and then have you live with one of the guys for a while," Tortorella continues.

I feel like I now have a purpose in my life, I've been waiting years for this, because everyone around me always seems to ask me "What're you going to do after high school?" and the only thing I've ever wanted to do was hockey. And judging by the way I play, I'm meant to play in the NHL now. 

But I had to remember to always keep my guard up now, to prevent anyone getting suspicious and ask questions so I had to contain most of my excitement and joy because I'm now a guy. 

I make my way towards the locker room and Caleb was waiting for me on the other side of the rink near the entrance. He already knew I was going to make it.

Caleb pats my back, "Think of a number yet? You'll have a long drive to think of some ideas, your number was 17 in high school yea?"

I shrug in response, "I don't know what's already being used so I'm going to look that up and decide from there. But we have to get going because I have to leave for Columbus as soon as possible."

Cameron's all ready in the locker room and we have to wait for Caleb to shower up and change after I strip down to my under armor. 

"Aren't you going to shower Hayden?" Caleb asks.

"Nah, I don't like showering in public," is my only response.

That got a laugh from the majority of the room because by now, news is spreading like wildfire that I'm going down to Columbus.

Cameron is fuming by now and storms out of the locker room towards the car. I feel really bad about what happened, I want to apologize but from the way everything's ending up as, there's little to no chance either. It's not like I tried to refuse, I straight up accepted the fact that I'm trying things out with the team. Cameron got his chance last year and signed, he just got put down in the Monsters for a while, and on the other hand I might be playing for longer lengths of times while he hasn't even played his first NHL game yet. It must be even harder that he's the only one that knows I'm a girl, but I know he's not that type of person.

Eventually, Caleb finishes getting ready so we can head out for me to pack up everything again and start making my way to Columbus. 

Once we arrive at Cameron's apartment, me and Caleb start saying our goodbyes,

"So, I guess this is it, huh? I've only known you for like a day, but it still feels like it's been forever. Maybe I'll get called up when you're up there eh? It was nice knowing you Hayden, I know you'll do great, because if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be going to Columbus now. So cheers, and goodbye," Caleb pulls me in for one of those bro hugs and I return it back.

"Thanks so much, I really owe you, goodbye" I reply.

"Anytime Hayes, anytime." Caleb then leaves.

I turn to go hurry into the shower but before I did that I glance at Cameron with a pleading look.

"I have nothing to say to you, not even a goodbye, so you better hurry on your way to Columbus," Cameron sneers, not even looking in my direction.

Tears are already forming in my eyes, I couldn't believe that Cameron is acting so cold towards me. It's like he's a completely different person, and I didn't realize he could be this mean to his only sister, his closest family. 

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to rush through a cold shower and pack the few things I've unpacked and rushed out the door without saying another word to my brother. 

Shoving everything in the back of my sleek black Impala, I slam the doors shut and start my way towards Columbus. I'm still upset about how I ended things with my brother, but I had no time which only hurts my point. I feel like an awful sister. Hopefully, this doesn't come to bite me in the ass later in the future. All I hope is that he doesn't blow my secret. I don't think he's the type of guy that does that, but his recent actions says otherwise. But I do know that he won't stoop that low.

I sigh a breath of relief, I get to go to a new place filled with new people on a new adventure, living life in the NHL. Even with the negative emotions about my brother, nothing can hold me back on living the life I'm meant to have, even my gender. Which isn't a problem, so long as I hide the fact that I'm a girl. That's the next thing that I have to, adjust to acting and living like a guy with no help whatsoever, because my brother bailed on that ship, and adjusting to make sure unavoidable girl stuff that pops up stays hidden for me to live my life. Too bad society has to be that way, but eventually, I have to accept the fact that everyone will find out, it's only a matter of time, but for now, I have to make my mark on the NHL and earn my place before that happens.


	4. Chapter 4

Hayden's POV

After an exhausting two hours of driving, I finally make it to the hotel, courtesy of the Blue Jackets in a hazy state of mind. I instantly take off of my constraining wrap and sports bra that hides my size A breasts.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I unpacked on what I need for the night and to get ready for bed. Within five minutes I'm falling fast asleep.

The noise of my phone ringing wakes me up the next morning. I quickly glance at the time ad groan, it's only 8 am. Personally, I'm more of a night owl and prefer to stay up late and skip early mornings; unless if it's for traveling farther away, then I can wake up early.

"Hello?" I yawn.

"Hey, this is Nick from yesterday-"

"Foligno?" I interrupt.

"Yes, I'm checking in with you to make sure you're settled-"

"At 8 am?" I ask sleepily.

"My, you have a tendency to interrupt your captain aren't we?" Nick teases.

I shrug even though Nick can't see it, "I'm not a morning person, plus I've driven 14 hours in two days with an exhausting practice in between."

"Looks like you're going to have to get used to those, I mean minus the driving, but mornings and traveling are part of the job" Nick replies.

"I'd do anything for hockey, literally." I answer.

"I think any professional hockey player would say that. But the other thing I want to make sure you're aware of is that we have a little team meeting and then a light practice afterwords in an hour," Nick informs.

I mentally pinch myself to stop a complaint about the lack of time I have to get ready; I am now officially a guy, I can throw on some random clothes and be out the door in five minutes. But I do need to tape up my breasts before I can do that.

I still haven't yet mastered the art of taping up my breasts because I've only done it once before, no help to Cameron. He would've helped but we got into that argument before he could give me any help.

It ends up being fifteen minutes of struggling and sweating to get my breasts properly hidden. I only have less then ten minutes before i have to start driving to the arena, because I have no clue on where I'm going.

I throw some clothes on and brushed my hair and teeth before grabbing my phone one last time, which I'm glad I did, Nick messaged me saying he's on his way to pick me up so I wouldn't have to worry about navigating downtown Columbus. I am now thanking Nick's insistence on getting my phone number last night before he left.

I take a breath of relief, I have a little more time to grab some breakfast before Nick gets here, so I grab my room key and put it in my wallet and car keys so I could get my practice stuff from my car and exit the room.

After a quick five minute breakfast which included a bowel of oatmeal, a banana, and some orange juice, Nick messages me saying that he's just arrived at the front of the hotel.

I quickly make my way towards my car and grab my bag and stick and enter the passenger seat.

I immediately thank Nick, "Thanks so much for doing this, I would've gotten lost and been late of it weren't for you giving me a ride."

"No worries, no one's expecting you to be able to navigate around Columbus within 12 hours of arrival here." Nick replies.

The rest of the car ride is silent. It didn't take very long to get to Nationwide Arena so now i'm twenty minutes early which is how I usually do things when it comes to hockey. Especially if I'm going to have to impress the rest of the organization.

Nick parks the car and before we step in, he says,

"Just to warn you, no one besides me and the other captains know about you. So we're springing a surprise on the team so don't take anything personally, everyone who knows about you just wanted to keep it under wraps, especially from the media. We don't want outsiders snooping into the business of where you actually came from, no offense, and how we've even acquired you. I mean, none of us even know if what we're doing is like, legal or anything. What it all really came down to was your brother-"

"I'm going to stop you there, the reason anyone found me is all because of my brother's teammate, who actually just snooped around and found me because of my team winning the state championship in Minnesota. The guy wasn't even supposed to meet me, the original plan was for me to go incognito and not get notice, that was the whole deal with me moving to Cleveland and I think that's where the base of my problem with my brother is now. It's only getting worse with em being here. I even considered not even coming here because of it." I reply.

Nick frowns, "Why would your brother not want you to get noticed? Would you even have played hockey?"

"That's why I came in the first place, that and to get away-" I trail off, shaking me head, "Never mind, it's a lot of shit I haven't figured out with, I didn't even have my life figured out, I though I'd get some when I moved in with my brother and I think I have that solve, but it creates an even bigger problem now. My family's already strain-" I stop speaking because by that time, me and Nick approached the film/meeting room of the arena.

I also let my eyes wander as I trail off soaking everything in, the arena is larger than I thought it would be.

"But wait, what's this has to do with your fam-" Nick says while walking into the room before getting interrupted by Boone Jenner,

"Are you already trying to get the rookie to confess his deepest darkest secrets?"

Oh, Jenner has no idea on everything that I'm hiding from all of them.

"Anyway," Jenner continues, "so, this is the famous Hayden Johnson that Nick raved on and on and on about-" Nick gives a hard glare at Jenner, "Can't wait to start practicing with you, but the one thing that Nick hasn't told me yet was how did you end up in Cleveland and how did you even have a connection to the Monsters anyway? If you don't mind me asking."

"That's enough Boone, that part hasn't even been discussed yet and I have no clue on how Coach is going to disclose on that." Nick reprimands.

Jenner just rolls his eyes in response. At that moment, Brock Anderson shows up and asks, "Has Hayden decided on his number yet?"

Everyone else turns to look at me, "I'm thinking either 5 or 56, for like my birthday I guess" I answer.

"For like how does 56 represent a birthday?" Jack asks.

I sigh, "I was born on the fifth of June."

At that point of time, another person walked in as I said that and asks,

"Why are we talking about my birthday, it like happened two months ago?"

The rest of the group looks at me first, then whips their head to where the new voice is coming from.

"Huh, what a coincidence that we're talking about Hayden's birthday and it's like the same as Cam's. Who knew?" Brock exclaims.

"One, it is my birthday, two who the hell is Hayden? Did you guys like kidnap a random stranger on the street again? I thought you guys are supposed to be captains of the team, not acting like a bunch of four year olds." Cam shouts.

"Okay so one, Hayden isn't a stranger-" Nick starts off.

"Than what is he?" Cam asks with an arched eyebrow.

"He's like made it on the roster for this year dude!" Jack yells excitedly.

Cam frowns, "You can't just like make it onto an NHL roster just like that, this better not be some prank by lying to me about some meeting and practice just to create some sick joke that you guys just grabbed a random person off the street to put on the roster."

Nick puts on a serious face, "Okay, so we might have actually gotten Hayden off the street, but you're going to like where-"

"Do you guy's even know where Hayden is from?" Cam asks.

Jack and Boone shake their heads no, "Nick wouldn't tell us, something about not disclosing information yet because of some suspicions getting-" Boone points out.

"Something's not settling right with me on this, I'm now demanding answers" Cam interrupts.

"If only you'd stop and listen to me," Nick replies, then continues, "Remember two days ago I got a call from Coach regarding a player right?" Cam nods, "Well yesterday I drove to Cleveland to check this player out with Tortorella and we were instantly impressed with Hayden's skills and intellect. Even showed me some moves I don't even know of. I bet he can teach the whole team something." Nick finishes.

Cam snorts, "If Hayden was so good, then why wasn't he drafted or recruited somewhere like the rest of us? Why just show up out of nowhere with no explanation of where he's from or what his hockey backgrounds like? It all seems pretty suspicious to me and I don't like it."

I finally manage to step in, "Can we please not talk about me like I'm not even here? It's making me uncomfortable and I don't even think I remembered to bring any of my medication or inhaler just in case if-" I stop and cover my mouth with my hand realizing just what I said.

The entire room turn to stare at me with incredulous looks on their faces.

Nick finally breaks the silence, "Wait, do you have asthma or other medical conditions?"

I shake my head no. The tension's increasing exponentially in the atmosphere.

"Then what the hell do you even have that requires that stuff?" Cam asks.

In response Nick punches Cam in the shoulder, "Don't mind Cam, we just probably have over exerted his mind for the day, he just needs to calm down, which I think everyone needs to do by this point. But, I understand if this is too personal for you, but I think at least someone, either on the team or staff needs to know of this medical condition just in case if something does happen. I'll call your brother to see if he can bring those things down for you so you don't have to worry."

"Thanks Nick," nodding in appreciation.

"Wait, Hayden has a brother? Who is he?" Cam asks and in response, and Nick gives a dirty look towards him.

"Oh and another thing before everyone gets here is that your physical is going to be today, everyone else did their's three days ago, but it's really not a big deal except for whatever you need medication for, which I understand the policy of privacy and the rest of the team should," Nick looks at Cam, "very well know by now that personal issues can stay private unless if it'll mess up the team's dynamic or messes up the player's hockey. I'm assuming yesterday's performance is like what you can do everyday right?"

"Yes, even though I haven't been skating or playing over the summer, so I can probably do better once I get in some practice. But I did keep myself in shape if not better than before this entire summer. One of my former teammates now play for the Wild." I reply. My breath is hitching in anticipation of that medical examination on such a short notice. I remind myself to not make it look like I'm nervous about it, like I'm trying to hide the fact I'm actually a woman.

Cam frowns, "That must mean you came from a pretty good hockey program, especially if you're going straight into the NHL. But if you did, then how come you didn't get recruited by any team or drafted?"

"Cam, I said that's enough, no one knows that except maybe her brother and it's not our right to know that right now. All that matters is that Hayden is pretty too damn good to pass up." Nick says sternly.

"I mean if you guys rather me just to go back to Cleveland and just play recreationally, that's just as fine, but I already ruined my relationship with my brother with me being here so it'd be nice to not get ridiculed for what I've done because I never realized that this" I point to all around me, "could have even happen, much less an option. The same goes for my brother so it's really hard on me emotionally. He basically raised me, but I don't want to talk about my family shit so I would at least like to not get shit about my past because I gave up a part of me to be here and i would like to be appreciated for that" I firmly state, getting upset on how Cam was treating me.

I can only think, how would Cam treat me if he finds out the truth? It'd be worse than this and I've had enough of him already. I can't believe I share my birthday with the guy.

Everyone in the room stood there looking at me with their jaw dropped. The silence was heavy with shock.

The silence continues until Nick finally manages to say, "I didn't realize things were that bad, but as captain of this team, I can say that we're all here for you and support you and your decision. We will respect your privacy and are grateful that you're here. I apologize for anything that anyone on our team has already asked or said to you because that's not how a supportive team is. If that's how this team works, then we don't even deserve a player like you. I'm the only one who has seen you play, but you are meant to be in the NHL and no one should say otherwise no matter what."

Those words are going to stick in my mind because would Nick still say that if he finds out that I'm a girl?

As soon as Nick finishes his speech, the rest of the team enters with glances my way and then all the coaches enter to start the meeting.

I take a seat next to Nick far away from Cam as possible and try to relax and get control of what almost turned into a panic attack. I pay all of my attention to what Tortorella says about this upcoming season, goals and expectations, and then dives into training camp details along with preseason stuff. At the end, he introduces me to the rest of the team with little detail, less than even what Cam got.


	5. Chapter 5

Hayden's POV

As I walk out of the meeting room to the locker room with my practice stuff, Nick stops me before I could get enter the locker room and says,

"Oh Hayden, I kinda forgot to mention to you that there's going to be like a meeting and an interview with some of the management, just for like the basic stuff and then you'll have your physical with one of the trainers." 

I frown, my nerves are starting to get to me about the physical, because no one can really see what's underneath and all of this trouble will be for nothing once anyone finds out. Maybe I wouldn't have to take off any clothing, who knows what I'd have to do for the physical. 

"What would I have to do for the physical?" I ask as we enter the locker room.

But before Nick could answer, the hushed murmurs of the locker room abruptly stops as I walk in. Nick just signals me to follow his lead. One face in particular stands out in my line of vision, Cam just rolls his eyes and turns around to get ready when we passed by him. 

I shrug it all off, I need to get through my first official practice with an NHL team; if I play well enough, I could get to play with them. I have to make a good impression because everyone's eyes will be one me, more than yesterday's practice. So, instead of worrying about the meeting and physical I have later, I put all of my focus and worries on the practice. I'm already use to playing with pressure and playing hockey just relieves any stress or worries I might have. If I can help my team score three goals to tie up the championship game in the final five minutes, then I can get through my first practice with the Blue Jackets. 

Nick hands me a practice jersey they already had for me, coincidentally enough, it has the number five on it. I smile to myself, now I know for sure which number I want.

After I put on the practice jersey, I grab my stick and helmet and head out to warm up on the ice. 

Warm ups consisted of stretches and then a few warm-up laps. I manage to keep up with most of the players and ended up in the front end of things. After passing Cam, I could feel his glare baring down on my neck. 

Once warm-ups finish, everyone either split up into forward or defense and experiment with lines for the rest of practice. 

"Cam and Hayden, I want you guys to be the wings to Dubinsky, okay? I don't care who's on which side, it doesn't make any difference, you both shoot with the same hand" Tortorella explains.

Cam looks mystified, "We can't play together, she shoots the same hand as me! It'll never work, why can't we do the same lineup as last year, it clearly worked and produced more than the rest of this team!" 

"I wasn't asking for your opinion on this. We're only trying some new things, last year never got us past the first round did it?" Tortorella replies sternly with an added glare.

Cam just fumes his way over to where our line would face off against Nick's line with Panarin and Anderson as his wings. "You better not take the right side from me," Cam growls at me.

I let Cam have the right side, I don't care, plus he gets priority because of his experience. I always practice or play in either position, which I'm thankful for the experience now.

After a little three on three scrimmage with our two lines against the other, everyone else just stop whatever they were doing to look at my line once some time passed. We're scoring goals every other second. It seems like it didn't really matter who I play against, I like getting the job done. Working with Cam and Dubinsky, especially Cam for the most part, seems natural. Even with the fact we shoot on the same hand and are both wings to our center who shoots with his left hand somehow works magic, even against Bobrovsky. I feel bad for the guy with how many shots of ours were going past him.

Once practice finishes, I notice that Cam's attitude towards me changed. Cam turns to me to say,

"It was pretty fun to play with you, I hope we can do that more often. You're a great player. I'm sorry we got on the wrong foot, could we start over?"

I nod, "Yea, same goes to you, I mean I've never thought I'd be that good on my first day."

Cam nods his head in agreement, "Agree, but you're an exceptional player in the first place. But we've got a long way to go if we want to get past the first round though."

I freeze where I'm at, I don't know how, but I keep forgetting the fact that I'd be playing for the Blue Jackets this year. It should've been my brother instead of me. It's only going to create more family problems and I don't even know how my dad's going to react to all of this. I sigh, at least I haven't signed any contract yet.

"You okay there, Hayden?" Cam asks, looking concerned.

"Yeah," I nod my head, "I just remember that I had do to something important once I get back to the hotel."

"I feel like you're going to have to find a place to stay for the season, so for the time being, do you want to crash at my place?" Cam asks.

I start to hyperventilate again, I've had too many things put on me already today, but Cam did an entire 360 on his attitude towards me and now he's offering me to stay at his place? And I'm worried about the physical, but that's nothing compared to this. I don't know what to do anymore because I don't want Cam to get suspicious, but he's right, pretty soon I'm going to have to find somewhere to stay until I can get a place of my own. It's a huge risk, but this entire thing is a risk. I'm going to have to share a room with one of the guys for roadies, so I might as well start preparing for it.

I smile, "That'd be great, when should I move in?"

"Well, it's clear you came to practice with Nick, so you can tell management you'll be living with me for the time being in your meeting and I can wait for you to be done with everything and we'll head back to pick up your things at the hotel." Cam answers.

"Sounds like a plan," I agree.

By that time, me and Cam have our skates off and now are taking off our padding. It wasn't until I notice Cam heading towards the showers that I realize I have a problem, I have an important meeting with management and a physical until I can go to my hotel room and shower. It's also going to be a problem when I move in with Cam later tonight.

My temporary solution is wiping as much sweat as I can get without making it look weird inc certain spots and dousing myself in my brother's cologne he let me borrow before things turned south there and applied twenty pounds of deodorant that I also borrowed from my brother. I decide to just trash both of those and shop for some new guy things I'll need for myself to last through the year.

I had to stay in my undershirt because there's always someone wandering around the locker room so I couldn't change into some fresh clothes. By the time I finish with wiping myself as best as I could, Cam came back from the shower with only a towel around his waist. I force myself to not stare at his very well toned body and to act how guys normally do, which I have no clue how they act in situations like these. I've always been in a separate locker room when I played in high school. My brother was supposed to help me with these types of things but never got around to it and never bothered.

So instead, I just make an attempt to get away until Cam stops me, sniffing, 

"Dude, how much cologne did you even put on? Did you even shower? You know, no matter how expensive the cologne is, too much always just smells like shit. Believe me I've tried when I went through that no shower phase, so I get it. But trust me, you can't do that for your physical, just warning on that. They see everything." Cam questions, then shudders at the thought of the physical.

Is the psychical that bad? I'm starting to feel nauseous and light headed just hearing that about my impending doom which is that physical for me.

"Hayden, look at me, it'll be fine, you even skated past me in warm ups earlier, you have nothing to worry about. Anyone would be an idiot if they think you aren't physically fit to play hockey professionally." Cam reassures.

If it was only that easy, I think to myself. I sigh making one last glance at Cam before hurrying to get to the meeting on time with management. I bump into Nick who's already in his street clothes, and then he shows me to a professional looking meeting room.

"So, Cam already told me that you're moving into his place, which completely surprised me, he never changes his attitude that fast about someone. He's usually stubborn when it comes to things or in your case, a person, he doesn't know about. Especially when it's clear other people know more than him." Nick frowns, then shrugs, "It must've been practice that made him trust you and change his mind, which it takes a lot for Cam to trust someone, much less someone he's suspicious of. I give him credit of that, he may not seem that smart and can come out hot-headed, but he's really smart guy once you get to know him."

What Nick just said about Cam makes me even more nervous about this living arrangement, judging from what he said, it basically means Cam could figure out the fact that I'm a girl if I'm not too careful. I should really be focusing on the fact i have that physical after this meeting with management.

Nick and I make it to the meeting room just on time, before I walk in Nick starts to head towards the parking lot, 

"Bye Hayden, and good luck with both the meeting and the physical," smiles and me then turns to leave.

I take a deep breath and enter the meeting room feeling a little more than nervous, once I sit down, my right leg couldn't stop shaking.

"So," Tortorella starts, "We, as an organization, all have come to the consensus that we would like you to sign a one year deal with us and then have future conversations after this season about signing for a more significant amount of time and money. We still have to work out a contract for you since we still have to figure some more issues that have arisen with the league, but the original set money for this year would've been 1.5 million but contract issues and league issues because you weren't drafted or recruited anywhere created complications but, we're still shooting for at least a million so we hope you'd still be interested."

My jaw drops, I'm not worth a million for my first year, it's unheard of that rookies get that much for their first year 

"I'm think that's a little too high, how are you going to do with the salary cap?" I ask.

"Oh don't worry about that, we already figured out a solution for that problem, we just want you to make sure you're value is set a the right amount. We even pulled a few strings with some NHL recruiters around the league and helped set the number anyway." Tortorella answers, "So does that sound reasonable?" 

"No it's too high-

"Now that's a ridiculous request, but we've already crunched the numbers, so it'll between a million and 1.5 no matter what happens. On another note, your physical, the main trainer who was supposed to do it, he didn't who up today, so you'll get a different person for it. But before you go do that, you need to get interview by one of our writers for the website" Tortorella interrupts.

I sigh, so it's indefinite that I'm going to be playing for the Blue Jackets this year. I don't mind the team, but I don't know how I'm going to face the family issues out of this. Both me and my brother were thinking out of the both of us he'd be the one to follow in dad's steps; get drafted, play in the NHL, win a Stanley Cup or five, bring glory to an organization, be teammates with one of the greatest hockey players, and so on and so forth. I even brought the Oilers signed Stanley Cup Game worn jersey of my dad's he gave me as a graduation present with me. I think it's going to take a long time for me to get used to this lifestyle, I'm use to doing things all by myself it's going to be weird having a lot of stuff being done for me by paid employees of the organization.

After a painful and long interview, I struggle with finding my way to the correct trainer's room to find that no one was there. I feel relieved instantly, maybe I can get some more time to-

"So, you're the new mysterious guy that popped out of nowhere," a female voice enters the room.

I jump, turning around I came across a tall slender female figure with long curly dark brown hair tied up in a pony tail.

"You're the person who's going to do my physical?" I ask, my voice raising in pitch, a sign that I'm getting nervous.

"Yea, you can call me Kayla. i'm only doing this because the head trainer isn't here, but i'm only a physical therapist, not even a trainer because no one else bothered to show up today, but I got a list of specific directions because I haven't done one before so, I hope you're ok with this? Would your girlfriend mind?" Kayla asks.

My face reacts on instinct to a weirded out look. Kayla notices before I could even have a chance to stop myself.

"Boyfriend?"

I shake my head, a plan already formulating in my mind, I can go through with the full physical now. I just have to tell someone now.

"Can I trust you with something huge?" I ask.

"Anything, wait, what're you-" 

Before she finishes her sentence, I completely strip off my shirt to reveal my sports bra and taped up breasts.

"You're a girl?" Kayla asks, I nod, "Oh my gosh this is so cool, I can't believe that-"

"Hold up, you can't tell anyone, not yet anyway, I want to establish my ability to play hockey and I'm doing everything in my power to keep it that way. I've sacrificed so much already I don't want to waste them all when I haven't done anything yet, not even signed on. Hockey is what I'm meant to do with my life," I interrupt, "This is super serious and I need to know you're on board with this."

"I understand, and I'm completely behind you on this. Now it'll be easier on you because I, a physical therapist and staff member of the organization knows so I can help you keep this under the radar from everyone." Kayla promises.

Smiling, Kayla continues, "Now, shall we do this physical or what now that we got the gender revealed?"

I chuckle in response, knowing my secret will be in safe hands and it'll be easier to adjust with Kayla by my side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Disclaimer: I've never played hockey in my life (I wish)so I wouldn't know how lines and like sides and wings or whatever works much less how professionals do it. It seems like this doesn't happen anywhere but this is my story and so I'm choosing to do it. It's probably not how it's supposed to be done, but it's a work of fiction, so it's the author's job to make choices that will make the plot line better, so please don't bother me by saying it's inaccurate to hockey, I'm guessing it is, having two right handed shooters on the same wing line but I didn't want Hayden to be a center and Hayden needed to shoot right too for all intends and purposes of making the story interesting. Thanks for reading, voting and the support!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning, I'm now making a clear warning this deals with mental health issues including suicidal triggers, it'll be more clear later on and future stuff with abusive relationships

Hayden's POV

 

As Cam and I make our way towards his car, my phone rings. I take it out to see that it's my brother and answer, 

"Cameron."

"I'm in Columbus with your inhaler and your medication, you're so fucking lucky I even give a shit about you at this point" Cameron says curtly.

"Okay, I'm about to leave the arena anyway, but I'm at the Marriott in downtown, you should see signs, or just look it up. See you in a bit," I say, not really knowing how to respond.

"Go figure," Cameron huffs.

I immediately hang up on Cameron; feeling upset about how he's been treating me.

"You okay there?" Cam asks concerned.

I nod, "Yes," I barely choke out and enter the passenger seat of Cam's royal blue Dodge charger.

He turns towards me from the driver's seat with a serious look on his face,

"I'm here for you if you need anything, it's easier to get through things if you have someone to turn to, even if I've been insensitive towards you before and we just met today it's better than having no one."

"But there are people out there who have no one, no one to turn to to get some help for serious issues. I think I might have to get back into some-" I stop myself from telling Cam, I realize that no one can know about how much I've struggled with my mental health because then they wouldn't want someone like me on the team anymore, contract or no contract.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Cam finally says, breaking the silence.

"Thanks for not pushing me about this," I say as I rub my eyes in an attempt to get rid of the tears forming there.

The rest of the car ride stays in complete silence with the exception of the faint background music being played on the radio. After that, it didn't take very long to arrive at the hotel. 

"I'll wait here so I you can just follow behind me with your car. Do you need m to help bring anything down?" Cam offers.

I shake my head, "No that's fine I only have a couple things in my room. I'm going to have to check out too so it might take a little bit."

Cam nods as I exit the car with my practice stuff to put in my car on the way in. Once I make it to my hotel room, I receive a text from my brother saying that he just pulled in and asking for my room level. I reply with my room information and immediately start to hyperventilate.

The last conversation that me and Cameron had that was longer than a few words was when we argued with each other two nights ago. I don't know what to expect, especially with how I forgot my medication and inhaler, without having those things by my sides when I'm playing hockey risks my life. It'll be even worse now that I'm playing hockey at a higher level, the stakes are higher and there's more for me to loose if anyone finds out. I mean I have to come clean about both the inhaler and medication but it's not like I use either of them everyday, only when I risk my health. I'm going to have to tell Nick too, but he seems like a decent enough guy to understand.

Finally, I manage to calm myself down for the most part by the time I hear a knock on the door. I walk to open the door to face my brother.

"Here you go, I should've just made you go and get it to yourself, but might aswell drop it off while I'm driving south." Cameron says blankly.

I can't even recognize who Cameron is anymore. I didn't realize this was going to be such an issue for him, but nothing is going to stop me from what I'm supposed to do with my life, which is to play hockey.

"I still don't get why you couldn't have just play with women instead." Cameron continues.

"You know why, the colleges only wanted me for their men's teams and when they found out I wasn't a guy, I couldn't even get a scholarship much less roster spot on any D1 women's teams. I wasn't even on a professional spotlight either because I was thought of as a guy. But I'm glad it words out for me because now we can be in the NHL together. We might even get to play together," I explain.

Cameron shakes his head, "No you won't, you don't get it. Your roster spot basically took my future one away. That and some salary cap shit so they wouldn't be able to afford me later on. I hope your career was worth changing mine. You know how embarrassing it is? Getting drafted by the Blue Jackets and play for a year and then get traded? It fucking sucks, you've always showed me up our entire lives and right now it's making me move. Dad's known this forever and it may seem to both of us he treated me better over you, that was his way of accepting the fact that yes, a girl can play in the NHL. I don't know if I can ever be your brother again, so just go jump off a cliff for all I care right now because I can't deal with this shit, even if it means loosing the last family member I have, I just can't take this anymore. i'm just going to remove myself from this broken up family, don't even bother to try and fix this, it's permanent. It's not like you or dad could even give a shit about me at this point," Cameron chokes out in a rough yell and leaves me alone in the room to start crying, I don't give a shit anymore about anything.

I cry until my voice couldn't give out anymore. Immediately after stopping, swallow a pill, it's not like I can have therapy at this point to help the pain. Checking my phone, I notice I've had several missed calls and several messages from Cam and Nick. 

I sigh, throwing everything in my bag until I hear a knock on the door. Wondering who it is, I stop packing and answer the door, it was Cam.

"Finally, I found your room. I'm checking to make sure you're okay, it's been a while since you came up and also been a while since I saw someone that look like you exiting the hotel," Cam says.

"Yea I'm good," I reply.

"Are you crying, do you need some privacy or-?" Cam asks.

"Oh no, not really," I say, wiping a spilling tear quickly from my right eye. "I just need to pack a few more things then I'll be ready to go," I finish.

"I'll be in my car, and you can come to me for anything, you can trust me," Cam looks me in the eye and I couldn't look away from his gorgeous brown eyes with his blonde hair curling at the edge of his forehead. Crap, I didn't mean to get lost in his eye contact, but I just couldn't stop myself. Even if I don't act or look like a girl doesn't mean I can't think or feel like one inside my head, but I shouldn't be doing it towards my teammates, especially my line mates.

Shaking it off, I nod in response and turn to finish up throwing the rest of my stuff in my bag and follow Cam out of the room, ready to get out of that room that held a conversation I'm desperate to forget.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: another trigger warning: deals with eating issues

After a couple of days, I've been noticing something's different about Hayden. It started as soon as her brother left her in tears. He's been eating less, and it seems to be showing off in his weight. Hayden's been shut up in his room whenever we're not at practice and barely acknowledges anyone anymore. Even after he signed his contract, Hayden just seems even worse than before. It hasn't been affecting his hockey yet, but if it keeps getting worse, then it'll catch up to him. I don't want to approach him about it, which probably seems the exact opposite to do, but we're like guys, we don't deal with shit the proper way anyway. I've never known a guy to deal with these problems before, especially at a younger age; boys typically have to eat more. 

Since I've notice that Hayden talks to the one physical therapist a lot, I think her name is Kayla, I'm going to ask her about it after practice and see if I can find out if there's anything I can do. 

Once practice ends, instead of immediately going to the shower, I take off my skates and put on my tennis shoes to visit Kayla. Typically Hayden always makes a visit to Kayla after practice but he hasn't left the ice. He usually practices more than the rest of the guys once in a while.

I approach the room Kayla's usually at and knock. 

"Come in, oh-it's you Cam, what can I do?" She asks.

"Uh, this is kind of like hard for me to bring this up, but I'm getting concerned about Hayden. I've been noticing that he hasn't been eating a whole lot and he's loosing weight. He's locked himself up in his room to for whenever he's not practicing here," I explain.

"Oh," she frowns, "Let me think, how long has this been going on, less than a week?"

"No, it's been over, ever since he's moved in with me. Is it because of me? Because I've had a personal experience with this with one of my siblings and like one of the causes was a traumatic experience caused by some people at school and the changes were like a light switch, I could still tell which exact day that it happened to them. I know this is nothing compared to my sibling, but is there anything I need to know? I just need to do something, we can't let him do this to himself," I explain, not even caring that I just shared one of the most sensitive issues that's happened in my family.

"Well," Kayla starts, "I mean I'm the closest person he has here, you know?"

I arch my eyebrows, "In like-"

Kayla shakes her head, "No, not like that, but she's barely even told me anything. I mean I know him the most of all of us but it's been only a week. It'll take time for you even more Cam, but he's not telling the while story and I'm guessing from what I've seen he has good reasons to not say anything. I wouldn't worry about it, I'll take him out to lunch once he finishes up."

"Wait, Hayden's mentioned that he's from Blaine, Minnesota right?" I ask.

"Yes, what're you getting at Cam?" Kayla asks.

"Hayden has also mentioned that he has a friend playing on the Wild right?"

"Yes, but don't start to-"

I ran out of the room as fast as I could hoping to catch Nick before he leaves. Thankfully, when I arrive at the locker room, I see Nick just getting out of the shower.

"What;s with the rush, there's a fire somewhere?" Nick asks.

"No, never mind that, but you know your brother right?" I ask.

Nick nods, "What about him?"

"Well can I get his phone number?" 

"What the hell man? What for, and where is this coming from?" Nick asks.

"Long story short, I need to find out something that'll help Hayden out and your brother plays for the Wild and that's the only connection I can get that'll help me out. His brother is in no shape to do much of anything at this point. If anything he's the one that caused-" 

Nick starts waving his hands, "Wait, hold up, you're asking me for Marcus's number to get another guy's number that you don't even know the name of to ask about Hayden? That sounds messed up and complicated."

"There's nothing else I can do, I know what I'm seeing Nick, and I know you see it too, don't even deny it. We have to make sure Hayden's good enough for training camp and the preseason."

Nick agrees, "Fine, you do have a point, but let me call him and do the talking. I don't want him bitching to me about giving you of all of my teammates his number even if it's just to get another guy's number which still sounds just as bad. But first, you need to shower, then we can go over to your place and do it."

In the middle of my shower, I stop what I'm doing and wondering where Hayden even went anyway, he never entered the locker room, even during my conversation with Nick and he never was there before that either. This entire time, I've never seen him shower here yet. He never carpools with me only because he usually takes a long time after practice and hangs out with Kayla afterwards. Kayla and Hayden really do seem like they're the weird couple that are only friends, but considering how much time they've spent together by themselves, it has to be something, unless if I haven't been made aware of something that makes more sense than a relationship.

Shrugging it off, I quickly finish up with my shower and walk back to my stall to throw on some clothes. 

At that moment, Hayden finally enters the locker room saying, 

"Oh shit, fuck, I'm so sorry."

I gave her a weird look and a mix of different emotions show on his face. More like fear and stress.

I wave it off, "Nah, it's fine, you'll get used to it after a while, once you get to know everyone it won't be weird anymore, I remember it was worse in high school and you've already lived through it. Guess I should put some clothes on huh?"

"Uh, yea, sure, whatever. I'm just going to go then," Hayden replies then exits the locker room to the hallway in a hurry.

After finishing getting dressed, I caught up with Nick to head towards my place. We wouldn't have to worry about Hayden being there because he has plans with Kayla. Seriously, I don't get why they aren't together. Maybe both of them take things slow, especially Hayden, if he's slow connecting to the team, relationships are going to take him twice as long to establish something. But I think even Kayla is having some difficulties with Hayden recently, that's why we're calling Marcus to find out anything that we can do to help him.

Nick flops down on one of my couches as soon as we enter my apartment and calls Marcus.

I enter the living room when Nick claims, "Warning, he might not even answer, because of the time difference, he might still be in practice currently."

I shrug, sitting down on the other couch opposite of where Nick is sitting, "Maybe that's a good thing, because then Hayden's friend would be in the same room as Marcus then. But could you put him on speaker phone if he answers though?"

"I don't think that's the-" Nick starts.

"Hello?" Marcus answers.

"Just do it anyway, I don't care," I push.

"Is that Cam? Nick put me on speaker," Marcus says.

Nick rolls his eyes and does what his brother wants.

"Hey Marcus, how's it going in Minnesota?" I ask.

"Pretty good, just got done with practice, why?" Marcus replies.

"I thought I was going to do all the talking Cam, you promised," Nick interjects.

"Course you would make Cam promise that, but what's up, especially if Cam's the reason why you called big bro," Marcus says.

"Apparently we need someone who plays with you contact information because one of Hayden's friends plays with you," Nick explains.

"I'd do that if you could actually tell me the name of this "said player" because dude, it's a popular name and there's a lot of guys that I play with on the Wild so you're going to have to be more specific for me to tell you guys anything," Marcus responds.

"That's the problem, we don't know what his name is, Hayden wasn't specific, but we do know the player was pretty tight with her back in high school in Blaine," Cam answers.

"Wait, did you say Blaine, like in Minnesota right?" Marcus asks.

"Yes," I confirm.

"Well i'm pretty sure I know who you're talking about now, but training camp is in full swing so there's a lot more guys than the usual who're playing with us, but do you know whether if he's been playing with us the past two years?" Marcus asks.

"How are we supposed to know that? I think If we know that we'd know the guy's name at least," I start.

Nick shakes his head, "No, I'm pretty sure Hayden mentioned that he's a year older than him and started playing right away," Nick intervenes.

"Then I know who exactly who you're asking about, Brandon Anderson is the only guy that fits everything you guys just said-" Marcus says.

"Wait, why are you talking about me?" A new voice enters the background.

"Ah, perfect timing Brandon, my brother and his friend Cam from the Blue Jackets apparently need to talk to you about some Hayden guy you knew pretty well from high school. You played with a Hayden right?" Marcus asks.

"Are they both asking or am I talking to one about Hayden or what?" Brandon asks.

"I'm only doing this for Cam, but I'll do whatever anyone needs me to do to help Hayden out I guess. And I also want to be in the loop, informed about everything cause-

"We all know you're the captain Nick," Marcus interrupts.

"Cam, we're going to have to to a Skype call on this, in complete privacy," Brandon replies in a serious tone, "you're going to have to swear to secrecy on this, I know I shouldn't be involving myself in whatever this is, but I miss Hayden, we were like brothers, hell I don't even know that Hayden's in Ohio. I haven't talked to he-er him in over a year ever since our- well, and I know it's serious if some of Hayden's teammates are calling me over his brother, I've been out of Hayden's life ever since I started the NHL right after I graduated a year above her. Wait, has something happened between Hayden and Cameron?" Brandon asks.

There was an awkward pause of silence, thick enough to cut the tension that has increased with Brandon's serious toned voice. 

"Shit, I'm on my way there, I'll let you guys know as soon as I can get a flight out there, I'll explain everything once I'm down there to make sure Hayden's okay, her-er his safety comes first, then answers. Fuck, I though Hayden and Cameron had their shit together, apparently not because now there's a real issue. I don't even know what the hell is going on down there with Hayden, I didn't realize her-er, him, sorry I've been with my girlfriend a little too much, she really reminds me of how Hayden and I was minus the relationship part, we were all a close group of friends at high school, but anyway how Hayden managed to sign on with an NHL team already, has news even been spread to the media yet? Doesn't matter, all I know is that it's a bad sign if Hayden hasn't talked to his brother about any issues, he does have his inhaler and his medication right? Just in case something does go bad?"

"I don't even know if anything can get any worse, I don't even know if Hayden's been eating enough, especially with all the extra exercise he does after practices," I answer. I'm starting to wonder why both Cameron and now Brandon have been saying "she" and "her" instead of him when it comes to Hayden. Both of them just said it was about their girlfriends or whatever, maybe it's just a weird coincidence, but now I don't know, both slip-ups were covered up by very similar excuses. I shrug it off, it's just my mind going off on a limb again.

"I'm leaving straight for the airport, I'll have Marcus text me Cam's number so I can text you the ETA of the next flight available," Brandon says then turns the phone over to Marcus.

Before Marcus could get a word in, Nick asks, "Wait, what're you going to tell management about Brandon?"

"I know Brandon enough to figure out that this situation is basically a family emergency," Marcus answers.

"Wait, it's that serious?" I ask.

"Dude, when Brandon first came, he couldn't stop talking about Hayden and how much he's missed him and how they were practically siblings. Management even tried to get a hold of him for like seeing if they would draft him, but why that never happened still remains a mystery to everyone besides Brandon and Hayden. Well, and I guess you guys included, but Hayden still wasn't drafted by the Blue Jackets, so I don't know how the hell you guys ended up with him, but you guys are lucky bastards. I was super curious about Hayden around the time the state championship was going on and I immediately saw him play and was impressed. So Hayden's definitely worth all this trouble that's getting caused,. You guys did the right thing, I haven't ever seen that side of Brandon. It reminds me of times were direct family of a player or management is in like life or death situations " Marcus explains.

"Why do you think as soon as we mention the issues Hayden's been having with Cameron immediately made Brandon to fly down here and help fix things? Especially since he didn't even know Hayden made it to the NHL in the first place, much less talked to her in over a year," Nick questions.

"I don't know, Brandon's the only one with the answer to that, but he's pretty protective of Hayden. I think they had some argument right before he left him for the NHL once he graduated and never talked since," Marcus answers.

"Well, we're the only ones who have any clue about what happened between Hayden and Cameron, and it's not much," Nick starts, "But it's pretty serious, I was also getting some hints here and there about the rest of his family, but not much."

"Thank you for doing this though," Marcus says, "Now I kinda wanna shower, my sweat has already dried on my skin, bye Cam, bye Nick," and then hangs up.

Nick turns to look at me and says, "I guess the only thing left to do is sit around and wait for answers and solutions. It sounds like Brandon is willing to do anything for Hayden, even after having some issues with him. Brandon put a hold on hockey for Hayden. Maybe this'll help him adjust to be settled in more, to get comfortable here. It must be hard going through really rough family shit."

I nod in agreement, wondering when Hayden's expecting to be back and who's going to pick up Brandon from the airport, and where we're going to have a private conversation.

"Wait, did Brandon even pack anything with him?" I ask.

Nick shakes his head, "It doesn't seem like it, he can stay at my place and I can let him borrow some things as well. This goes to show that this is a really big issue if he headed straight to the airport from practice."

"I can take him shopping too, I won't mind, it'll give me something else to do besides worrying about Hayden for a bit," I offer.

A message pops up on my phone from an unknown number saying, 

I'll get there at 4:30, which includes time zone difference.

I show Nick the text and label the number as Brandon-A, since I still have Brandon Saad's number in my phone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning

Hayden's POV

A week goes by in a blur, one more week gets crossed off my calendar. I only have five more days until my period comes, the first time I'm going to deal with it while being a guy in front of other guys. I'm wondering how that's going to play out.

Shrugging, I enter the locker room, trying to go out for lunch, except I can't change or shower until Nick and Cam leave. So I decide to walk to where Kayla is in her office.

"Hey, what's up?" Kayla smiles, letting me enter her office.

"Nothing much I suppose, period's supposed to be come in five days." I reply.

"Want to grab some Noodles and Company after this?" Kayla suggests.

"Uh, I'm not that-" I start.

"Don't even start that, that's bullshit and you know it. People are noticing and they'll start asking questions and no one's going to take this lightly. You're a professional athlete, so you need to start acting like one, which included making sure you eat enough. I have some connections and manage to fit Noodles in your diet plan, which is constantly changing based off of the recent weight loss. The guys are smarter than you think they are, they might be a little dense, but once they find something suspicious, they;ll figure it out. This goes for your gender as well." Kayla interrupts.

"Fine, just let me go get showered and changed," I agree reluctantly, only because Noodles and Company is my food weakness. 

As I enter, the timing was what I haven't prepared myself for yet, but i'm going to have to get used it it as like I'm supposed to be a guy, but I completetly forgot i'm a guy at this point. I see Cam's dick facing in front of my face and couldn't help immediately yeliing,

"Shit, fuck, I'm sorry," Shock, fear, panic, and stress overwhelming my feelings. 

"Nah, it's fine, you'll get used to it after a while, once you get to know everyone it won't be weird anymore, I remember it was worse in high school and you've already lived through it. Guess I should put some clothes on huh?" Cam says, while putting on some clothes.

"Uh, yea, sure, whatever. I'm just going to go then," I respond quickly and quietly and exit the hell out of that locker room.

I've been around guys enough to have actually see a dick, but like a complete strangers. I mean sure, I live with Cam, but that doesn't mean a thing when it comes to private parts. The fact that I found Cam's dick attractive was what caught me off guard. That never happens, I've only dated one guy in my life before and it turned out shitty, like most of my relationships. Who says that won't happen in Columbus, just like how me and Cameron had our falling out? Who am I kidding, I've started to find Cam attractive, and I've gotten to know him myself, I've just never let him in. He keeps trying to, he's so caring, even if we've only just met. Maybe I should give him a shot. He doesn't seem prying so I'm going to start trusting him in a couple of days. 

I find out for sure that no one else is in the locker room, and then I finish getting showered up and dressed in my street clothes. As I was taping up my breasts, I start to hear footsteps coming in the locker room.

Shit, I'm caught already and it hasn't even been a month. 

Quickly, I walk with my back facing the entrance and make an exit to the showers. It didn't do any good, the footsteps just keep following me. 

"Hayden? What you doing here this late?" A familiar Russian voice asks. 

"Uh, I was er, what are you doing here?" I squeaked out a response.

"What with tape around chest?" Panarin asks.

I'm still holding the tape up with my hands otherwise it would fall off and reveal my womanhood to an unsuspecting teammate who's already happy in a relationship. I may not advertise myself to the rest of the guys, but I pay attention to everyone else, you just can't count out the quiet people from noticing things.

Suddenly, Panarin's phone rings and he leaves the room. Once I got out of his line of sight, I immediately slap the rest of tape around my boobs and throw on my sports bra. Quickly, I throw on a shirt and a baggy sweatshirt to complete the look. Sighing, I turn to grab my bag with clothes from practice, but Panarin enters the locker room before I could escape.

"So what I saying before?" He asks.

I shake my head, "Nothing to worry yourself over," I answer.

Panarin smiles, "If you say so."

I finally got out of that room and knock into Kayla on my way over to her room.

"Finally, what took you so long?" She asks.

"I'll explain in the car, you ready to go?" I ask.

"I've been ready, but do you wanna stop over at my place after lunch so we can discuss some things? Something's been brought up to my attention and I feel like I should warn you before you get back to Cam's place." Kayla replies. 

I frown, I haven't been noticing anything lately, but I think it has to do with me shutting out everyone. That happens sometimes when I have issues with people I've been close to. Or maybe the fact that I'm not eating enough, and I know when it happens and I can realize that, but it doesn't mean I can stop it without some sort of intervention. I just don't trust anyone yet for me to ask anyone I've met in Columbus to help me. It's just, my appetite gets screwed up when I'm in my periods of depression and there's nothing I can do, it''s either get sick right away, or get sick later on. And I don't know if it's a good idea if I should be taking my anti-depressants anymore or not, I didn't want to risk management not signing e because of the fact that I'm a liability in more ways than one.

As I enter my car, Kayla enters the passenger side, turning her head towards me,

"You should go first."

"Fine, Panarin almost walked in on me while changing," I say.

"Like you didn't have a shirt on changing?" Kayla asks.

I nod my head slowly, "Yeah, I was changing out of the shower and taping up again."

"So how did things work out?"

"He only saw y backside, then went out for a phone call and I was already in clothes by the time he came back," I answer. 

"That was a close call," Kayla says.

"Too close for comfort, I'll be even ore careful from now on," I promise.

"Okay, so now it's my time to share some concerning news, it's just not just me that's getting concerned about your health, Cam is starting to ask questions, he's noticing something's wrong. I don't know what's going on with you and I've been respecting your privacy, but it's endangering your health, you shouldn't be loosing this much weight, even with more of a workout you're used to. Hayden, Cam was asking about some Wild player that you were close to back up in Minnesota during high school," Kayla explains, looking at me concerned.

I turn my head away from her, but then I realize Cam is getting suspicious, more so because I live with him, and even though I'm hiding the fact that i'm a girl, I'm still acting really strange. Cam does know I've had a lot of issues, even knows more about y issues with my brother than I let on than anyone else, including Kayla.

"Fine, after lunch I'll explain it to you and then I'll tell Cam later tonight," I give in to Kayla.

I didn't realize how hungry I've been until I step into the aromatic smell of Noodles and Company. I manage to eat a regular sized bowel of a mac and cheese and a buttered noodles in one sitting. Kayla told me not to even worry about how much I'm eating, apparently some of the trainers were discussing earlier about what to add on my meal plan that's already been established. I think my meal plan is the most lenient out of everyone, which doesn't make sense because I'm the only girl on the team, but they don't really know that. My metabolism is faster than normal for a girl which is an advantage to keep my disguise as a guy up. 

Kayla and I drove separately so we wouldn't have to worry about my car later on so I can prepare myself with the same conversation I'm going to have with Kayla with Cam. 

Once we arrive at Kayla's apartment, Kayla flops down on the couch and says,

"I'm all ears, I'll try not to ask a whole lot, but I'll ask if I get confused or need some more details. You can take all the time you want, I'm not here to push you."

I take a deep breath and start to explain everything, 

"It all started when my mother died when I was eight years old. Cameron was only ten years old at the time, but from that point on, he was the one taking care of me. Father turned to a drinking problem, but when he wasn't drinking, he turned into physical abuse towards me. He only was physical with me when he was sober, but when he drank was when he said things to me and my brother. It took my brother four years until he found out what my farther was doing and was going to do something about it, but I didn't want to go anywhere else. Both grandparents on his side were dead by that time and everyone on my mother's family abandoned us. Even my farther's brother left us the broken pieces of my farther. The only thing that kept my dad from doing things to me was the fact I played hockey just as good as Cameron, and he's two years older than me and a guy. So it took him another year to figure that out, and then stopped the physical abuse, as long as I played hockey, and played it with the guys in high school. I didn't mind, I'd prefer playing boys' hockey anyway. My dad has a lot of connections in the hockey community, he used to be an NHL player. The drinking and emotional abuse didn't stop though, and I didn't trust my dad dad ever since he did those things to me physically. I developed an eating disorder with bouts of depression. My dad didn't stop the drinking and verbal abuse until I made my first and only attempt at suicide. It killed my brother, so I got help. I also developed anxiety issues too."

"Have you called your dad since moving?" Kayla asked.

"Yeah, he's getting help now, and even if he didn't approve of me moving in with my brother in Cleveland right away, he came through. I also updated him on me being in Columbus now," I explain.

"It seems you're really lonely at this point," Kayla notes.

Tears have been already streaming down my checks at this point, I nod as Kayla pulls me in for a hug.

"If you need anything, I'm here for you,"Kayla offers, "Now, how about couple rounds of NHL 18? Who knows, maybe you'll be in the game in a few years. You could be the first women in a professional league video game. I bet it'll get all the guys to get it," Kayla chuckles.

"You're so on," I challenge Kayla, grabbing a controller for her PS4.


	9. Chapter 9

Cam's POV

An hour later, I receive a text from Brandon saying his plane will land about four thirty. That leaves me three and a half hours before I have to leave for the airport to pick him up. Nick already left once we hung up on Marcus, so it just leaves me alone, again, for the rest of the afternoon. Maybe I should try dating again, it couldn't hurt. But Hayden just seems to important to me to let everything slide by without any confrontation. 

I brush that last thought aside, there's more pressing issues than my broken heart from over a year ago to fix. Including the fact that my place looks like shit and I'm going to be having a guest arrive in a few hours. And the fact that only thing left in the fridge is beer, don't blame me, I can't cook worth a thing and Hayden doesn't mind, he always goes out to eat like I do, means I have my work cut out for me. But the empty fridge is going to change for tonight, I don't think any of us are going to want to eat out. 

The first thing I do is drive to the grocery store to buy enough food to last several days. I end up getting simple and easy food, food that I know Hayden likes, he's so obvious that he eats noodles so I make the decision to make the only specialty I can make; pasta with my special white sauce with seasoned chicken grilled to a perfection. It took me several years to perfect the recipe, a lot of experimenting, but I got it to work eventually. I'm sure Hayden will enjoy it as much as any of the team does. It kinda turns into a tradition before special home games for some of the guys, I make enough for Nick, Dubs, Booner, Hartnell, Bob and myself to enjoy right before some home games. Then we all sprawl around the apartment and take our pre-game nap together. It's going to get interesting with one less bed, maybe Hayden can join in on it too this year if he starts to open up. 

Once I arrive at my apartment again, I only have an hour left before I have to leave for the airport. I throw all the food in the fridge and cupboards and throw all the garbage laying around out. I take out the garbage and start working on the living room. I put away all clothes and blankets laying around and anything else laying around in my bedroom. I start prepping the guest bedroom and put on clean sheets on the bed and cleaned out any of my crap laying around and put it in my bedroom.

I finish just in time before I have to leave to be at the airport on time. I only have a vague recollection of what Brandon looks like, so I'm hoping he'll be able to recognize me while being discreet in public, I really don't want to get noticed by anyone. I really don't like people getting obsessed on why I do things in my personal life, like going to the airport to pick someone who also could get recognized as another NHL player on a different team. Especially with a player I've only played against, not knowing the guy personally, so it'll be suspicious if this gets out. 

I hope my Nike hat and black sunglasses are enough to cover myself from anyone recognizing me. Maybe it's a little too much, it's the classic disguise used in the movies. 

Looking around, I spot a taller(most of the league is taller than me) lean but built, medium length black haired guy stick out in the crowd, with some sort of bag in hand looking around. We make eye contact an both knew that we have to make a quick and subtle escape so no one can see us together. I don't know what'll happen to him if any of this gets out, we all know he has most of his family in Minnesota. I'm guessing when they figure out that he's not in the Twin Cities area he's going to get in trouble, family emergencies are only for immediate family members, no matter how close he is to Hayden, they're not immediate family. It doesn't even include cousins. But our main concern is making sure Hayden is okay, not the repercussions of it, she'll thank me later once she gets better. 

"Hey Cam, let's get outta here," Brandon interrupts my train of thought. 

I shake my head in agreement, "What's in the bag?" I ask as we start heading out towards my car.

"I'll explain in the car," Brandon replies curtly.

Well, this feels awkward already, it seems like Brandon seems deathly afraid of what little I've said about the situation. But it looks like he knows exactly what's going on with Hayden and why. 

Once we got in my car, I turn my head towards him, "Well?"

"I had enough time to go to Hayden's house and explain things to her farther and grab couple of things that uh he forgot to bring with him. I figure it might make things better, and judging by the way I think things are going, it's not good. I know Hayden and Cameron and I don't know if they've ever gone through this. I think Cameron always had it in the back of his mind, but didn't want to admit it and now reality has hit him in the face really hard and fast and didn't know how to deal with it. Hey can we stop at a grocery store on our way? I'm going to make some home comfort food that'll perk her up to eat a little more." Brandon explains. 

I nod my head, "Sure, what're you going to make?"

Brandon's phone rings and answers,

"Honey, I know I didn't give you any warning, but it's an emergency."

"I can't really tell you where I'm at, you're just going to have to trust me" Brandon argues.

"We've been having issues already, don't make this one another one of those issues. What now, are you going to ask that I'm sleeping around behind your back?" Brandon asks angrily.

"It kinda sounds like it, maybe that's our problem, we're just not on the same page anym-"

"No of course I'm not breaking up with you over the phone, I'm fixing up some shit no one else is going to do."

"Well he's basically counts as family to me, Hayden really needs it. I'll explain that detail later okay? We can fix this, goodbye Brianna," Brandon hangs up and sighs, rubbing his hand through his hair.

"You okay man?" I ask.

"Yeah, just some relationship issues, no big deal. Sorry you had to deal with that," Brandon answers. 

I shrug, "We all have to go through them at some point."

Once we arrive at my apartment, we walked in something I can never unsee, Hayden and Kayla are fighting each other with random objects they found laying around, Kayla currently held a lamp with no shirt on, exposing her sports bra, while at least Hayden is fully clothed with the side table, the contents that sat on top are spilled all over the floor. 

Once Hayden turns towards us, he screams in a suspiciously high voice, "What. The Fuck," and runs into his room and slams the door shut and locks it. 

"Er, we can pay for any damages," Kayla says while putting on her shirt, "Sorry you had to see that."

Brandon chuckles, "Believe me I've done that with him so many times back home in Minnesota."

"Oh, you're the Wild player that everyone's asking about then,"Kayla says.

"Yup, this Wild player does have a name, Brandon Anderson," Brandon introduces himself.

"Is it nice to play for a team in the area where you grew up?" Kayla asks.

Brandon nods, "Not close enough to keep an eye on things, and then travel also helped with why I've left some unresolved issues with Hayden for over a year now, it officially sucks, I couldn't do anything, and as soon as I heard about things going on down here I got a feeling I should help, I don't know how much he's told you but there's some issues that need to be addressed."

"But as I think about it, I think I should talk to Hayden before we get anyone involved," Brandon adds.

Brandon then walks over to Hayden's room, I turn to Kayla and say,

"I guess I should start dinner then, it feels like this'll take a long time."

"I'll help out once I clean up this mess up," Kayla nods in the direction of the wrecked living room.

"Hey, do you know if Brandon by any chance is single?" Kayla asks. 

"I'm pretty sure he isn't, he had some relationship issues earlier in the car ride, but you didn't hear it, I don't like messing in other people's relationship besides, aren't you and Hayden a thing? It clearly looks like it, don't even deny it." I reply.

Kayla shakes her head no, "It's not like that, just friends, then it'll be best friends, the line is clearly drawn. But don't you remember Brandon saying earlier it's just like what Hayden and him did back in high school? It'd be like Brandon and Hayden dating."

"But judging from Hayden's lovely welcome towards Brandon, it doesn't look like they're close anymore," I point out.

"Doesn't matter, I mean Hayden and Cameron were super close and now they have issues too, so it doesn't matter what the relationship is, there's bound to be issues, and there's always potential to resolve those issues. It may take a little time, but I think this'll be good for Hayden in the long run, he really needs this. Brandon must still care for him just as he always has, he dropped everything as soon as he heard that Hayden's struggling," Kayla explains. 

"And risked getting more issues with his girlfriend apparently," I add.

"Exactly, so, what're we making for dinner then?" Kayla asks.


	10. Chapter 10

Hayden's POV

I escape to my room as quickly as possible and then slam the door shut. I locked the door right away. After what happened with my brother, I am not in the mood to deal with Brandon, even though it still destroys me with what happened the last time we talked. We haven't figured out any of the shit that happened when he got drafted once he graduated. I couldn't even talk to his girlfriend, my best friend after our argument. 

I couldn't stop my tears coming through, I know i'm supposed to be a guy in front of Cam currently, but I'm living here, if I can't be a girl in my own living space, then when can I ever be a girl? i know it's only going to get harder when I have to share a room with one of the guys on the road, but still, I just need to let loose of all of the shit that's happened. 

My cell phone rang, the caller ID said my dad, I knew this was going to happen sooner than later, so I did something I wouldn't have thought I'd do this quickly; letting Brandon into my room. 

I answer the phone, 

"Hi dad."

I see Brandon's mouth drop, and he understands why exactly I let him in. We both sat down on my bed after the door closes and wraps his arms around me. He's like my second brother after all. 

"Hello Hayden, I understand after the hell I've put you through since your mother died, you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me, but I'm guessing Brandon's there with you, otherwise you wouldn't have been talking to me because you didn't answer in the past couple of days and Cameron hasn't been answering, but after you leaving, reality has hit me and I decided to get help. I've sobered up and I promise to never hurt you again, and I know you'll need time, but I want to fix our relationship, you and Cameron are all that I have left of your mother and I want to make things right. There's no pressure to immediately say yes to anything, but you wouldn't mind if I come see you when you're in St. Paul? And maybe after the game too? I won't expect you to accept anything but I just want you to know that I am truly sorry for everything I've done, and I know there's no excuse for what I've done, but I've always love you and always will, even if you don't want anything to do with me. But regarding your gender situation, I've managed to contact our immediate family to keep it on the down low, and I don't think your mother's side of things will be an issue, they don't have the same last name, much less remember you, you look a little different with a guy's haircut," Dad explains.

I'm sobbing by the time he finishes, not sad ones, but happy ones for some reason.

"Dad, I forgive you, even though you said you'd change in the past and didn't, I think this time it's different. It might take a little time to trust you, but I'd love to show you Columbus sometime, even go on the farther's trip with the rest of the guy's farther," I say.

"Oh, Hayden, you don't know how much this means, I don't know if you can tell, but I'm crying. Let me know if you need anything, and make sure you tell Cameron to call me, i'm concerned about him. i'm so proud of you, you're so much like your mother, just taking on after your old man," Dad chuckles.

"I don't know about that, I don't have four Stanley Cups on my name yet," I reply.

"But I'm not the one making history, you are, I was just the average NHL player with not a lot of record breaking accomplishments, I just happened to be on the same team with Wayne Gretzky, you're the first woman to earn a regular spot in the NHL, and I know you'll get your name on the Stanley Cup. You don't even have to win any championship to make me proud, you make me proud of how much work and effort you put in the things you're passionate about," Dad answers.

"But you played with the greatest hockey player to ever live," I point out.

"Doesn't matter, you'll be the greatest female hockey player ever, you've accomplished something no other female has done, even of everyone else thinks you're a guy, but that only gives you more work as a hockey player playing with all the men in the NHL. You're going to be going against huge over 6 feet tall men, but knowing you, I know you can handle it."

"Dad, you should know something about Cameron," I say, changing the subject.

"What is it?" Dad asks worriedly. 

"He's been traded down to Tampa Bay's affiliate, he;s going to that training camp," I say.

"Oh, I have some exciting news though, I already bought tickets for me to go to the training camp in Columbus, thinking I get to see both my son and daughter in it, but I guess not, I still get to see you though." Dad says.

"I don't think Cameron is going to like that, this has been rough on him, I didn't like the way things ended between us, and we have two games against Tampa in the pre-season this year," I explain.

"You shouldn't be concerned on him, I think you need to open up to some of the guys on the team and to fix things up with Brandon, he left in the middle of the preparation for training camp just to see if you're alright and you guys left things pretty bad the last time you guys talked, but Brandon still really cares for you if he left everything. I should get going then, to leave you guys to it, see you next week Hayden," My dad says as he hangs up.

I turn to Brandon with tears in my eyes and hug him, he immediately hugs me back.

"I'm sorry," we both said at the same time.

Once we release from each other's embrace, I ask, 

"Do we even need to talk about it anymore?"

Brandon sighs, "We still do, it's unhealthy if we don't,and believe me I'd rather just kick back and relax like the old days, but what really happen between us to create this grudge that lasted for a year?"

"I felt like you couldn't be there or care for me anymore once you made it to your dream team in the NHL. You responded like a big arrogant and selfish jerk that totally put me off," I explain.

"And I felt that you didn't understand the reality of the pressure I had and the extreme schedule I had to take care of and the responsibility that was put on me as a professional athlete in his first year," Brandon adds.

"I'm sorry for saying all of those things and not being very understanding of your job, which is now mine this year, and an extra responsibility of keeping my real gender a secret," I apologize.

"Yeah, I'm sorry too, for being too harsh on you, I knew exactly what you have to deal with and it must've been harder for you not having me or your brother with you on your senior year. but yeah, about keeping your gender a secret, I kinda almost blew it and I already told some of the guys on the team, but I don't think any of them could figure it out, besides Koivu, but he's pretty trustworthy and respects privacy. But I just want to give you a warning, don't hold on to it forever, just be prepared for someone to find out sometime this year, especially if you get close to some of the guys. and it won't be the end of the world either if anyone finds out. But hockey is unpredictable when it comes to being out on the ice, especially being a smaller player with lots of other bigger players checking and roughing at a much higher level that you're used to, but if any woman I know can do it, it's you. I mean there's some things you're going to have to figure out; you're period, road trips, your period on road trips, and most important, getting your own apartment. I wish I can help you with it, but i have no time to do it. i'm only doing this as a "family emergency" and you're not immediate family or family at all, but it's worth the risk because you're damn close to family to me. But on more pressing issues, with why I'm here, what's going on with you and Cameron? Don't even make shit up, I know it has to do with him," Brandon says as he looks me in the eyes. 

I sniffle and wipe the tears falling from y eyes before I start, "It all started when I arrived at Cleveland, I met one of Cameron's friends and long story short, he got me a try out for their team, but the twist was that their coach pulled some strings and Tortorella came with Nick Foligno as a surprise and got impressed. Cameron didn't even want me to try out, but I was kinda forced into it from his coach and he didn't like it and didn't like it even more when I was going to try out for the Jackets and signs point out at that point that I'll play for the team this year while he gets to play for the Monsters. I don't even want him to find out my contract and what I'm going to get payed, but I bet that's all over and getting over speculated and now there's even more pressure on my part that I am worth 1.4 million-"

"Holy shit, you're getting 1.4 just for this year?" Brandon asks incredulously.

"Well yeah, they said they originally tried for 1.5 but like there was some issue with the league on how they acquired me-" I start.

"That's more than I'll be making for another two years, this never happens, unless you're a 1st overall pick but not even for their first year at 1.5 million. Not Ovechkin, Crosby, McDavid, or even Lemieux and Gretzky started out like that, of course your brother is going to go bat shit crazy about this, you basically stole his contract worth, and not to mention, the whole league is going to be watching you and extra pressure from management to make sure they didn't waste trading off our brother's contract rights," Brandon interrupts.

"Yeah, about that, I'm literally the reason why he got traded to Tampa's affiliate," I say.

"Well there's going to be a lot of speculation on this, you're going to have to be mentally tough to handle all of this, especially relations with your brother from now on," Brandon says.

I nod, "Yeah, and I might not even get to play against him once the pre-season ends."

"On another note, get close to Cam, I can tell he's the one you have chemistry together, on the ice naturally of course, but outside you'd be great friends, he can take care of you whenever you go into these slumps, just tell him, he'll understand, that's why he went through the trouble to find me through Nick's brother, Marcus to get in contact with me. And I don't want to see you loose weight, we agreed last time we talked before our argument our goal weight for you, which you haven't met yet. God, I don't even want to know how much you struggled through your senior year. You have to promise me that you'll go to someone when you're dealing with this shit okay? I'm going to have a private conversation to Cam about this too. I know what it's like to have shitty relationships, I'm going through with it both Michelle and Ryan," Brandon requests. 

"I promise, what's going on with your brother and girlfriend?" I ask.

"Nothing, don't worry about it, but I think I know what's going on with your brother though, it's the fact that he has to face the reality that you're better at hockey than he his, and he knows that you wouldn't be at the level that you're at now if it weren't for him. He's envious, he never had the same opportunities as you and isn't as naturally gifted as you and you stole his roster spot. He had an established spot with the Jackets and you took that away, as his little sister by all means, even though everyone else thinks you're a guy and that's how you were able to play in the NHL. It's killing him inside, he hasn't admitted any of that yet until now, even when you got on varsity your freshman year and he never got to varsity until he was a junior. The floodgates have finally open in his mind and all hell is breaking loose because of it," Brandon explains.

"That makes a lot of sense, as soon as I started high school there was always s cold shoulder when it came to hockey and he only allowed me to move in with him in Cleveland is because I had no other plans and he wanted me to get away from our farther at the time," I say.

"Makes sense," Brandon replies.

I then hear a knock at the door,

"Dinner's ready, you can take your time to get ready, no pressure to rush, but according to Cam, it's his specialty," Kayla says through the door.

I quickly wash my face in the adjoined bathroom and meet Kayla outside my bedroom,

"I didn't know that Cam even cooks."

"Me neither, apparently this is one of the few things he can cook, it's sometimes part of a pre-game ritual for home games with some of the other guys," Kayla explains.

"You coming Brandon?" I as as I turn my head back into my bedroom.

"Yea, I have something for you that I stopped at your house before I left, figured it'd make you feel better during any time you feel depressed, I;ll give it to you after dinner," Brandon answers as he walks out to join us.

"What's the bug hold up? I made this especially for Brandon and Hayden," Cam yells across the apartment.

"Well, what're we waiting for? Let's dig in," Kayla says as she leads us into the dinning area.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clearly, I made a huge mistake by having Hartnell included in this coming season, so I'm probably just going to have his trade during the season even though he signed on with Nashville before the 17-18 season and this season is the 18-19 season, sorry for the confusion and mistakes on anything, I'm trying my best, but i need to fit some things in to make it into a story, it's the fiction part of this story. And if I make any references to this year's Stanley Cup Champion, I don't mean to jinx any of the teams or mean to make it seem to be any predictions, putting this out there, I want Vegas to win, and the real 17-18 season seemed pretty unpredictable so I don't even know who's more likely to win, I haven't been speculating on that a whole lot lately, finals and everything and more pressing matters, my birthday. I read that Gemini's horoscope for this week is about writing, no writer's block, which is pretty true for this story and my other hockey story, sorry about this long Author's note, don't forgot to comment and kudos for more updates on this story, I'm trying to balance it, but i just go with what I want at the moment.

Cam's POV

I make sure the entire table is already set and ready to go when Brandon and Hayden are entering with Kayla leading them in the dinning area of my apartment. 

No one talks when we first dig into the meal I have prepared. The atmosphere is still tense, but in a different way, it's like everyone knows something that I don't, trust me, I've been in these types of situations lots of time before this, I have a huge family, which means I've gotten involved in a wide variety of scenarios. 

I finally decide I've had enough so I interrupt the weird silence that has settled on the table,

"So, everything is worked out?" I ask, noticing Hayden hasn't touched her food yet.

Brandon speaks up while nudging Hayden, "Yes, for the most part anyway, Hayden is supposed to tell you once dinner is over, I can do the dishes while she tells you and I can buy a flight back for tomorrow."

"You're leaving already? We finally made up after a year long grudge, I just got you back," Hayden says worriedly.

"You'll be fine, you have Kayla and you promised me you'll reach out to at least Cam, whom you're living with for the time being, which brings me to another point, you have to get your own place really soon, Cam I'm trusting you'll help Hayden with that," Brandon looks to me.

"For sure, I mean I don't mind you staying here, some of the other guys on the team live together, I kinda like the company. I'm used to sharing a bedroom with one of my brothers and sharing cramped spaces with my large family. But aren't you going to eat though Hayden? I figured you like pasta a lot, seeing all those leftovers from Noodles and Company. It doesn't even show that you're eating-" I start until I get interrupted y Brandon,

"Hold up, don't even go there until you know the whole story."

"The whole story?" Hayden gulps.

Brandon nods, "The pasta is really good Hayden, you should try some, you'd like it, reminds me of your moth-"

"Don't even go there Brandon, we've established boundaries," Hayden growls.

"You need to get over it, and I'm pretty sure you overstep a lot of different boundaries already, including your fath-"

"He has nothing to do this,"he slams the table and grabs his plate and then heads towards his room.

"I guess I might as well talk to you now then Cam, Kayla, you can stay or go, whatever makes you comfortable, I'm assuming you know the whole story, and if not, then Hayden can screw himself then," Brandon turns towards me while Kayla exits towards Hayden's room, 

"Okay, so I'm not going to tell you everything, only the medical shit that's important that someone else besides Kayla knows about just in case if anything happens. I recommend telling Nick this too just so the captain knows. But once he feels ready, Hayden can tell you the details. I'm risking my ass just to inform you about what's going on. I'm guessing you know that Hayden's having problems with his brother Cameron right? Right, so that's causing him to get depressed and stop eating. Sometimes, it gets so bad he has to keep taking his anti-depressants just so he can't go into suicidal mode, it's scary shit. So, you clearly got the gist of the signs for this, but the suicidal mode is different and is really heard to explain. It literally can happen at any given time, so there's really no clear signs if Hayden really is feeling suicidal, so the best thing you can do is just be a friend and get close, you'll pick it up quickly. The biggest sign is not being passionate about hockey or being sensitive. Hayden usually picks up on jokes and sends out a few himself here and there, so not being into chirping could be one too. There's probably other quirks here and there I've missed, since i was out of his life the past year, but I know Hayden had therapy back in Minnesota, but he's not going to be doing that here, shit gets out, we all know that, as professional athletes. One thing leads to another, and I don't think he needs that kind of heat on him yet. And I swear, if anyone else on the team finds out besides Nick, I will personally end you, you got that? On another note, your pasta actually tastes like comfort food from well, a touchy subject from Hayden's past." 

"I don't know what to say, but trust me, I know how to keep my mouth shut, I know how to keep a family together, and keep shit to myself. I'll always be there for Hayden, there's just something about him-" 

I stop mid-sentence because I haven't even admitted it to myself yet. I don't even know the guy, but I'm just intrigued, dark, mysterious, secretive, it all seems like a chick-lit to me except it has a twist, we're both guys. Maybe Hayden's the reason why I've been getting morning and night boners on a regular basis since he moved in. And I also found out at practice the other day that getting a boner while your dick is in the cup is very uncomfortable. I don't get why I would've gotten a boner at practice unless if I found Hayden somewhat attractive-what the fuck is Hayden doing to me? Maybe it's just because I haven't gotten layed in a while, a couple weeks before Hayden showed up in Columbus, back in Connecticut while I was still home.

Fuck, this could be a problem, maybe this will all go away once Hayden moves out, which Brandon seems all but too keen on that for some hidden reason that I'm clueless about again. This type of shit doesn't happen to straight guys should it? Or am I missing something from the picture? I'm having a mid-life sexual crisis in the middle of a serious conversation with one of Hayden's closest guy friends. What has my life come to? 

"Wait, are you suggesting that you're-" Brandon starts until I interrupt him,

"Fuck no, I was actually just planning when I'm going to get laid by a woman to be honest. it''s just genuine concern for Hayden in a very friend way."

"Okay, whatever you say bud," Brandon raises his eyebrows indicating the conversation isn't going to be over between us.

Hayden really reminds e of one of my sisters in all honesty, maybe it's just an attraction in a family way, that I shouldn't be worried about developing a crush when I'm pretty sure I'm straight, I think, if I do get really close to Hayden.

I sigh, getting up to start cleaning up dinner, when Hayden walks back in, his face evident that he's been crying again.

I still feel really bad being hard on him at the beginning, now more than ever, and I haven't even heard the whole story yet. I shouldn't have made everything difficult for him, he's had recent issues with his brother which seemed pretty serious. 

I approach him and offer,

"How about a couple of games of NHL 18? I can't wait for 19 to come out. They're voting for either Holtby or Fluery for the cover on it."

Hayden nods, as I lead him to the couch.

"I just have to finish cleaning up-" I start.

"Oh don't worry about it, me and Brandon have it covered," Kayla chips in and nudges Brandon to help out. 

"Now," I say turning to Hayden, "Let's see who's the real boss here."

Hayden smiles, "You're so on now, Cam."


	12. Chapter 12

Hayden's POV

I finish dinner for the first in in a week, by myself in my bedroom. Kayla waits until I open the door to let her in once I finished Cam's delicious pasta. 

"I'm sorry," I apologize while wiping a tear off of my cheek for the millionth time of the day. 

"It's not me that you should be apologizing, but you have good reason to be upset, just not in the way you did it. Look, I completely understand it's been an emotional day, and I support you one hundred percent." Kayla explains.

"Thank you, I don't know why, but it tastes just like the stuff my mother made right before a big hockey game for me and Cameron," I explain.

"Maybe it's some sort of sign about Cam," Kayla shrugs, "But I want you to promise me something, I think it's in everyone's best interest for you to get involved with the guys, right now, I'm all that you have here, in Columbus, and it's making it out to be some sort of relationship. Don't get me wrong, I love you and all, it's that I'm spending my love life on guys, more specifically this Brandon guy out there, I felt we have a connection, but anyway, back onto you, you need to act more like a regular eighteen year-old guy, even though some of them are like ten years older than you, like Cam, it's apparent that there's something wrong so just deal with them like any old teammates you've had in the past in high school," Kayla says as she locks a serious looking gaze at me. 

"Honestly Kayla, I think you're right. I am kinda missing that kind of bond that I've had in the past, even though all of my teammates knew I was a girl back then, it'll only be a little different now, what could go wrong? I think I'm ready to be one of the guys, and I'll start with Cam, starting right here, right now. Oh and another thing, yeah about Brandon, he's dating one of my best friends back in Minnesota, she was the closest friend I had that's a girl. But I think Brandon mentioned something relationship issues, so I wouldn't mess with that yet, please don't hit on my best friend, yet," I wink my right eye after saying that last bit. 

We walk out of my bedroom bursting of laughter after that last train of thought i just said. We look to find Cam sitting on the couch with Brandon. Cam looks up to me and asks, 

"How about a couple of games of NHL 18? I can't wait for 19 to come out. They're voting for either Holtby or Fluery for the cover on it."

I nod, following Cam into the living room.

"I just have to finish cleaning up-" Cam starts.

"Oh don't worry about it, me and Brandon have it covered," Kayla chips in and nudges Brandon to help out.

"Now," Cam turns towards me, "Let's see who's the real boss here."

I smile, "You're so on now, Cam."

Once we get our teams selected, Cam notices what team I picked out, 

"Since when did you like the Blackhawks? I figure you'd want the Oilers or the Wild," Cam asks confused.

"Well I mean you did pick the Bruins yourself," I point out.

"You piked the Blackhawks, they had a shitty season this past year, so I'm not the only one who has a team not close to where they grew up. My dad sill has that grudge on me, typical Rangers fan," Cam replies and rolls his eye.

"I've always picked the Blackhawks ever since my mom died when I was eight years old, they were her favorite team, she grew up in Chicago. I remember just before she died, we were watching the 2008 draft and she had one of the biggest smiles on her face when they selected the number one draft pick, Patrick Kane. just wish she would've been able to stay for a couple of years to see them win the Stanley Cup multiple times. I mean, my family was whole for a while, just mourning her, so that's why I got a Kane jersey, and actually there's still one laying around in my size, but the team just grew on me, even being raised in Canada and the Twin Cities. Plus, I was technically born in Chicago, my mother wanted me to be around her family at the time and my father was still playing, playing for the Oilers still, but came in right after a game to see me," I explain, staring off into space, reminiscent of my old family life.

"So, Patrick Kane's been the most influential player then for you?" Cam asks.

"I guess, if you categorize it as a current player when I was growing up then yes, but I don't want to get into any more of it right now. I'm getting too pumped to go against you and your precious Bruins." I answer.

"Oh, I see how it is then," Cam says, starting up the game.

It was a close call, but I fall to Cam in the end. 

"How's that for a rematch, eh?" Cam punches me lightly in the arm.

I shrug, but my thoughts got interrupted by a loud crash, and some shouts of swears. I turn my head along with Cam's to see what in the name of hockey is going on. 

We walk into the kitchen to see scattered plastic containers over and another thing I really didn't need to see for lots of reasons, especially because I know i won't be able to do that with anyone. 

Brandon and Kayla are rolling around the ground, covered in containers, passionately making out on the floor. 

Cam finally interrupts the pair's make out session,

"Ahem, uh, do you guys need help with cleaning this up then? Thought you guys had it covered, apparently not," Cam rolls his eyes. 

"You guys can do that, some uh, guy bonding time, but Hayden needs to come with me right now to his room," Kayla takes me in her arms and pushes me out of the kitchen.

"So you can admit you're cheating on him?" Cam shouts back across the apartment.

As soon as Kayla shuts the door, she turns to me in a hushed voice,

"You're not going to tell his girlfriend right?"

I didn't reply right away, Brandon's girlfriend still is one of my closest friends and I don't want my friendships with either Brandon or her to get ruined.

"I couldn't help it, I guess they really do mean it when they say opposites attract. Trust me, I tried resisting, I know what it's like to be cheated on, but I couldn't' hold out on it, especially after seeing all of the potential chemistry on and off the ice you and Cam have," Kayla pleas.

"Fine, but I stay out of this, okay? And I'll make sure Brandon doesn't break up with her right after getting back, it'll look suspicious coming back from staying with me in Ohio. But if she ever finds out, I expect you and Brandon to get me off the hook. I really hate this drama shit, but I never got out of it in high school so why should I get out for in when I'm in the NHL? That's seriously messed up," I finally give in to Kayla. 

"Thank you so much," Kayla goes in to hug me.

"Well, I mean I'm doing it for Brandon too, but you're keeping my secret so I should keep yours," I reply. 

"Well, i may not have the best relationships, but I can totally see you and Cam hooking up," Kayla nudges me, raising her eyebrows. 

I shake my head, "Never going to happen, I just started to open up to him, and either way, he'd have to find out I'm a girl so his boundaries can be respected. I just met the guy a week ago."

"And now you're living with him," Kayla outs her hands on her hips.

"Not my fault, better than living in a hotel," I raise my hands in defense.

"Well, you don't have plans moving out yet and Cam doesn't seem to mind," Kayla points out.

"It can't stay like this forever, it's a miracle nothing has even set Cam off yet, unlike the locker room incident," I remind Kayla.

"Well, that's not your fault, plus you'll have more of those incidents, especially when you're going to be traveling with the team and sharing a room with one of the guys," Kayla reminds me. 

"I guess-oh shit, fuck," I trail off, instatnly freaking out.

"What is it? Are you pregnant?" Kayla asks, looking me up and down.

"Fuck no, you know I haven't had my first time yet. And it's the exact opposite of being pregnant, my period came five days early and I don't have any supplies," I answer, getting pissed and stressed quickly.

"Okay, just go into the bathroom, stuff some toilet paper in and I can drive us to the nearest store to get you stuff, just breathe, everything's going to be fine," Kayla instructs.

I rush into the bathroom, not noticing that someone was already occupying it and encounter Cam peeing into the toilet. It's already too late, I see his dick and just stare at it. My mind's frozen, and I felt that I was secretly getting turned on, damn period, I probably am going to be like this for the next five days which is wrong a lot of the guys have girlfriend's or wives and they don't know that I'm actually a girl. I'm also freaking out at how my female anatomy can be so unpredictable. Which, I'm silently cursing at for digging me my own grave. I thought I saw Cam's dick twitch a little, but I'm pretty sure I imagined that.

I turn to look at Cam's face which seems freaked out, 

"Uh, could you give me a couple of minutes or two? I'm sorry I used your bathroom, I was just coming to make sure you're okay, but you can use my bathroom, it's just past my bedroom in the other hall, which you'll have to go through to get to it in the other."

I nod, turning to run out and close the door and I swear I thought I heard Cam say fuck on my way out towards the other bathroom. 

Apparently, it's difficult to stuff toilet paper in men's underwear to prevent more blood from leaking onto the underwear and through y pants. The good part about this is that it didn't leak through to my pants yet, that would've been a weird situation to be in if Cam noticed and asks.

I come out of Cam's bedroom to face Kayla arching her eyebrows, I shrug it off while getting on my shoes.

"Aren't you going to tell me what the hell just happened?" Kayla asks.

"I will, in the car, you're driving right?" I ask.

"Yup, and hey do you mind if we stop-" Kayla starts.

"Where are you guys going?" Brandon interrupts as he walks into the entryway of the apartment.

"Emergency-in regards to stuff girls have to take care of," Kayla replies.

"Well that means I'm coming too then," Brandon huffs.

A third voice enter the conversation, "Might as well take me with with Hayden and Brandon are going, what type of girl stuff is it if you have two guys with you Kayla? A three some?" Cam questions.

We all just flicked him off and gave him the weirdest look on our faces and laughed afterwords in his face. 

"What?" Cam crossed his arms, frowning. "I think I'm missing something here."

"Don't worry, we won't be long, it's some personal stuff," I wave Cam off.

"Like the fact Brandon's kissing your girl while he currently has a girlfriend with relationship issues? No offense man, but that's shitty, is Kayla why you came here right away too?" Cam accuses.

"What the fuck? No, Kayla isn't dating Hayden at all, that's like me dating Hayden. But rust me, I risked my own relationship and reputation for Hayden, not cheating. Just let me deal with my own issues, but this is about family issues," Brandon explains.

"You keep changing the story, which one is it?" Cam asks. "It seems pretty suspicious to me."

"Just don't worry about it okay? Let me have my own privacy," I snap at Cam before rushing out the door.

As soon as we got into Kayla's car, we all broke out into a fit of laughter as Kayla pulls out to get to the nearest store. 

"I can't believe Cam thought we were a threesome!" Brandon laughs.

"Yeah, you with two other girls, I don't think your girlfriend be very fond of that," Kayla giggles.

"It'll be like fucking with out siblings," I point out. 

"Plus Hayden, you only have your eyes on Cam," Kayla says.

"No I don't!" I deny, my voice raisng an octave.

Kayla looks at Brandon and they're matching the same expression, 

"That's bullshit and we all know it," Brandon shakes his head.

"Fine, maybe, but it can never happen, there's a clear issue of my gender that he thinks I'm a guy, he;ll never be into that. He's also my teammate and more than likely, line mate. I don't want things to get messed up," I admit. 

"Finally, as least you're admitting to it to yourself, that's a good first step," Brandon says.

Kayla smiles evilly, "I think I have an idea to get you guy together, at least for a night. You have that wig, Hayden?"

"Yes and I know exactly what you're suggesting, but can I request that I wait? I want to be a little more relaxed and settled in before we pull off a big and elaborate plan like that one," I request.

"That's fine by me," Kayla says.

"I have one request for you though Hayden, just be careful with what you're messing with, I don't want you to finally make it in the NHL as a woman on a physical level to just destroy it while screwing off. You don't have to do it, so just don't rush into things. As already going through a year, a rookie year, in the NHL, I know what it's like. And there's bound to be more pressure on you with the type of contract you signed on with Columbus. Just don't let everything get to you in your head to make a stupid mistake, especially early on. You want to establish your place, then make sure no one finds out your true gender until you break some sort of record and win the Calder trophy," Brandon urges.

"I promise, I don't even know if I even want to do anything with Cam, just like high school," I promise to Brandon.

"Family and hockey above all, we still have that pact between the two of us Hayden, you are family," Brandon reminds me.

"And you proved that to be true with coming down and helping me, even if we still had those issues and we got those sorted," I point out.

"I guess you finally sorted out the rest of your life now Hayden," Brandon turns around to face me in the back seat and smile.

"I guess I have, just took me a little longer than most do," I smile, happy that everything seems to be working out for me. 

"So," Kayla starts, "How are we getting tampons in you while begin a guy in the public eye and away from Cam's place?"

"More like how I'm going to be sleeping, I have to wear pads while sleeping," I reply.

"I have a great idea, how about we go over to your place for the night Kayla?" Brandon asks.

"Perfect, we can even buy some things to create a mini-party between us," Kayla says.

"Brandon, you're going to have to stay in the car, I don't think you should be seen in public with Kayla," I point out. 

"Fine, it's ok if I invite a friend of mine who lives in Columbus over?" Brandon asks.

"Just as long as the party stays small, its fine," Kayla shrugs. 

"Who is it?" I ask.

"It's Derek from Blaine, he's a prospect and already agreed to keep it quiet. Sorry, I just want to see him. It should be fine, it's been two years Hayden, I think you and him are over what happened," Brandon answers.

I frown, I'm not sure if I am, it's the reason why I've never gotten involved in relationships, ever. But it's not my place so I just shrug,

"Whatever you want man."


End file.
